tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-183662012012-01-23T13:50:19.327-07:00Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.comBlogger2961100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-14043035354890984722012-01-23T13:02:00.001-07:002012-01-23T13:50:19.331-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center"></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.40</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">-Mark Twain</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">My whole life I have been told that I should be "childlike" but having children has helped me realize that if everybody acted like a toddler then this world would be crazy. On Saturday I took Gigi to the Utes' basketball game which is something I have been planning on doing for a while because this is the last year of free entrance for Gigi. Let's be honest though Gigi is so small that she will be five and still be able to get into sporting events for free. If you ask me the sentence I just typed would fit into the category of "childlike." Kids are always trying to get away with everything from shoplifting to public lewdness. So back to the game. Oh also Gigi always wants to ride the train so we hopped on TRAX and took the train all the way to the Huntsman Center. A trip that lasts roughly 45 minutes. I thought that she would have fallen asleep on the way but the combination of sights, sounds and smells (the three S's of TRAX that I have discussed in the past) ensured that Gigi was at full attention for the entire trip. We arrived at the game and the snow was coming down like frozen cats and dogs. Gigi informed me; with one of her "childlike" attributes that it wasn't snowing it was snowflakes. Misinformation is another "childlike" attribute that most adults posses. If you talk to anybody long enough they are going to say something that is either a lie or is the truth skewed a little to make themselves appear cooler. We all do it. Let's see we enjoyed the game dancing to the fight song which was played a lot since the Utes won by 20 points. Finally some good news for the Utes' basketball team. We left a little early because I could see one of Gigi's "childlike" attributes about show, the temper tantrum. The sprint from the arena to the train squashed the tantrum for a few stops. Around the courthouse she decided that she no longer needed to sit by her dad and started to explore the train. Every time I tried to get her to sit down she would scream. Since we were 20 minutes from our destination I decided I better let her walk around for the sake of the other passengers. As we approached the 3300 South stop she was crazy. If she knew them she would have been screaming profanities at everything and everyone especially at me. This is another one of those delightful "childlike" attributes. We made it back to our stop where Jenny was sitting in the car unaware of the fury that was headed her way. I think she knew that life was about to get miserable because of the way I was carrying Gigi. She decided not to go home rather we drove around until our little angel fell asleep. She crashed at 5 PM woke up at 8 PM and then didn't fall asleep again until midnight or slightly later I don't really know. Me so tired. So after this experience I started thinking about what the world would be like if we all acted like toddlers. I can tell you this much, there would be a lot less stuff to do because we wouldn't be organized, everybody would just do their own stuff. Also it would be difficult to populate the earth since I am just assuming that most children don't think about making more children. I think the world would be a lot like that <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRrMu7B1L2I">Career Builder commercial</a>, you know the one where the guy works with a bunch of monkeys. That's how it would be except there wouldn't be a normal guy in the midst of the monkeys it would just be another monkey. I don't really have point to this mostly I just wanted to tell the ridiculous story of Gigi's first Ute basketball game and train ride. She will still say to me, "Remember we went on the train yesterday and I was freaking out?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Also I would like to mention the Super Bowl is set and it should be a good one. I will be cheering for the Giants since I don't really like the Patriots or teams get the dynasty designation. Well from both the AFC and NFC championships we learned a lot about football. First you never want your kicker sprinting onto the field to kick the game tying field. Second the new adage I heard this past College football season was, "Offense sells seats, Defense wins games and Special Teams win championship." This adage applies to both the AFC and NFC losers. The Harbraugh brothers need better special team players. I would just like to say one thing, in order to win a game you have to play as a team but to lose a game a single player can be the difference.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Trivia Time: What is the best thing to do on a dreary day?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:left;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Quote of the Week:  "You were a banger. Did you ever consider wearing protection?" – Craig Bolerjack  (talking to Matt Harpring while commentating on Live TV)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:left"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:left"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Have a good week I know I will </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:left"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Eric Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:left"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"></span></p> <p></p> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-1404303535489098472?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-40807821896676009392012-01-16T09:59:00.001-07:002012-01-16T09:59:55.480-07:00<div><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.39</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">-Mark Twain</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">With a New Year we think of new things, new things we would like to become, new things we would like to achieve, new things we would like to learn and new things we would like to receive. I personally love new stuff, even if said item isn't literally new. As long as the item is new to me it makes me warm inside. As the youngest in my family I was often given hand-me-down clothing and toys but for some reason when I received those clothes I always thought they were cool. Maybe it was because the clothes were in style a few years ago or maybe it was because I thought that I was as cool as my sister I mean brothers. I never wore hand-me-downs from my sister. At least I don't think so. I guess growing up on hand-me-downs made me realize that it is a pretty good system to wear second hand clothes. Maybe this is why I shop at the D.I. and Savers? Any who I digress. The point I am trying to make is that new stuff is pretty cool. However this past Christmas Jenny and I were trying to keep up the traditions of somebody when we bought each other Christmas pillows. I am sure that is a Christmas tradition somewhere. I don't like new pillows. Since I have been using that pillow my neck hurts, I have gotten less sleep than normal and it doesn't smell like me so often times I wake up thinking there is a stranger sleep watching me or worse that I have been abducted by aliens. I just image that aliens would have some crappy pillows for their abductees to rest their head on. You know so it looks like they are showing compassion but really they want you to be uncomfortable. Because an uncomfortable hostage is more likely to divulge the secrets you want. And I am sure that is what aliens want, secrets. Earth secrets… I digress yet again. The point I am making is that new stuff is great; in fact if I could put a new pair of socks on every day I would be in heaven. There is nothing so sweet as slipping on a new fluffy pair of socks. Your feet feel like they have been wrapped with love sprinkled with fairy kisses and blessed by the Pope himself. Another item that I think everybody loves new is underwear. Much like the new pair of socks underwear treats your personal parts with love and kindness, the way they should be treated, FYI. The last item I think that people love new is the automobile. People love that new car smell so much that there are air fresheners that somewhat smell just like the new car smell. If you can't afford new things which is the case with most humans then you can do other things to make life seem new. These could include such practices as hiding items that will be found later, buying irregular items at a discounted price or suffering from brain injuries that make you forget what stuff you have that way everything seems new. I guess I have to add this one in too; you could be old and have a bad memory. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Trivia Time: How many wins will the Jazz have season's end?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Quote of the Week: "You don't want to go through life alone, kids make the ride more enjoyable." – Anonymous </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Have a good week I know I will </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Eric Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"></span></p> </div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-4080782189667600939?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-670174574702551842012-01-09T10:21:00.001-07:002012-01-09T10:21:32.497-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.38</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">-Mark Twain</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Well the holidays are over now we move into January, for me January – May means birthdays. It seems like every other week there is a mom, dad, brother, sister, niece/nephew, cousin, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa or me birthday. So if only there were some way to get those dates specified as state or federal holidays then I could get those days off work. I wonder who I have to contact. I saw this 13 year old kid that pointed out what people already knew to Utah's legislature (this is necessary because Utah's legislature is somewhat hopeless, I digress) about daylight savings time. I for one understand that we don't save as much energy as we would like to by switching our time back and forth. However, I hope they never eliminate daylight savings time because once a year I love feeling like I am stealing time by sleeping an extra hour without repercussions of being late for stuff. On the other hand I don't really like springing forward an hour once a year. If only we could just fall back and spring back an hour every six months. That would be cool because at some point, with my idea in place people would visit from let's say, California and they would be like let's go out and get lunch. But when they go out, at her lunch time, they will realize that it was really evening (according to our Utah clocks) and lunch time offers were no longer accepted so these Californians would have to pay double for their lunch. Oh think of the additional income for the state. Where was I? Oh yeah, January brings out the best in humans. For at least one or two days or possibly weeks people live more kindly, more healthily, more vivaciously, (my new year's resolution was to use the word vivacious more often). But soon thereafter their resolve dissolves into normal life and their hope of being better is squashed by the big feet of daily routine and peer pressure. My point here is I would like to inform those that have resolved to be better at exercising there are several exercises you can do that will make you feel good about yourselves and are simple enough to do that you can do them all year round.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&#39;Times New Roman&#39;,serif">1)<span style="font:7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">      </span></span><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&#39;Times New Roman&#39;,serif">Chair Pilates or yoga. This involves you sitting in a chair (any chair will work just fine, probably should avoid recliners) and stretching your legs in unusual ways. Unusual can be defined as any direction not directly related to getting in and out of the chair. You probably won't see any physical improvement as far as muscle tone or increased flexibility. However you will feel good about yourself because you are exercising!</span></p> <p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">2)<span style="font:7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">     2) </span></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Commute Jogging. This might seem like jogging for part of your commute but instead it is jogging while commuting. You ask, what is the difference? There is a huge difference. In the first case you are outside jogging towards your place of work, (very healthy also very energy consumptive). The second case you are just "jogging" while inside your car or public transport. If you have seen Dumb and Dumber then you know what I am talking about. "It feels like you are running at an incredible rate." – Lloyd Christmas This exercise may annoy other people so it is recommended that you only do this one while commuting by yourself. Depending on how fast you move your arms you probably won't see any physical improvement. You could add weights and other resistance mechanisms but this not recommended while you are driving.</span></p> <p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">3)<span style="font:7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">      3)</span></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Blanket Wrestling. This exercise can be done solo or with a multiple players. Now kids get your minds out of the gutters. If you are doing this exercise solo it will more than likely be a leg workout. It is accomplished by trying to get the blanket to fully cover your feet by kicking you legs wildly until the desired coverage is achieved. If you are playing with 2 or more it is the same idea but arms can be used to fully cover your body while removing the blanket from other participants. The other variation of this game is for 2 people and is accomplished while sleeping. The key to the game is to make sure the room is cold. That way when the other player takes the blanket off of you, you will wake up and try and pull it off of them.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">So those are 3 simple exercises you can do in order to feel good about your resolve to exercise more in 2012.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Trivia Time: What smells drive you crazy (good or bad)?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-family:&#39;Times New Roman&#39;,serif;font-size:12pt;line-height:150%">Quote of the Week: "People say that Grayson looks like Eric, but I still think he is cute." – Jenny Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-family:&#39;Times New Roman&#39;,serif;font-size:12pt">Have a good week I know I will</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Eric Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"></span></p> <div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-67017457470255184?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-20561145389254144952011-12-19T10:29:00.001-07:002011-12-19T10:31:51.268-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.37</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">-Mark Twain</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">With Christmas a week away and so many other events happening these past few days there is so much to talk about and such little time to do it in. First off congratulations to the Running Utes and their second win 2-8 is about as poor as they could have done. I mean they lost to Harvard by 24 or so points a couple of weeks ago. Anyway I think in a few years the program will be back to where it once was. I am not talking Majerius caliber I am talking 1944 caliber. Maybe not but a boy can dream. In fact I am working on a painting called, "A Boy Can Dream." It is still in the design phase but I think it will end up fetching a quarter mil at the market. The other important thing that occurred is after 7 long weeks of waiting, I finally got my results from my Professional Engineering licensure exam. Turns out I can turn pro (which means I passed the test). I have made myself eligible for the engineer's draft. They cover this draft on ESPN the Ocho. Just to clarify there is no draft. I was already signed right out of college as are most engineering graduates. Finally the most amazing thing about Christmas happened this past week. Laser Tag Christmas was on Friday. It was lasers of fun. There was a good turn out and great competition this year. I think that the people get better every year. And I just get more confused, I guess that is what happens when you get old. The world around you gets more and more confusing. Sometimes even at my young age I feel like the unfrozen caveman lawyer. There is a video on my blog that shows the award winners and all but one of the participants. But I think I will tell you about something that makes me chuckle every time I think about it. As I have mentioned several times we live across the street from an elementary school. People use the park at the school for several interesting practices, soccer, baseball, football, dog training, model rockets and kite flying. Okay the last one is mostly me. The other users are amateur treasure hunters. They come weekly with their metal detectors. I called them amateurs because a professional treasure hunter wouldn't waste their time at an elementary school in Murray. They would be places like the Amazon Jungle, the Middle East or Brenda Taylor's basement. I enjoy watching them as they walk around and around the school yard and every once and while they stop and poke the ground with their treasure tool (a screwdriver) in hopes that they have found a crown full of jewels. Turns out there hasn't been royalty at that park for over the 200 million years and when the great king of the dinosaurs was there they didn't have crowns just teeth. Maybe they should have invested in a bone detector or perhaps a copy of the book The Bone Collector. Anyway they have provided Jenny and me hours of treasured memories. I believe that I have found better treasures over then any of the treasure hunters. From the park I have found several baseballs, a pair of nice winter gloves and yesterday I found $3. The best part is I haven't even invested in a treasure detector. Well I guess I could say that my contacts and eye appointments are my investments in such things.  I haven't decided what I am going to do with big earnings because if I could pick up $3 off the ground for a living then I would make an hourly wage of $2,160. But I guess if you take into account all the time I have walked through the park it probably comes out to be more like $0.75 an hour. So yeah I guess if I were to quit my job then it wouldn't be a wise financial decision. Because let's face it there aren't even benefits with treasure seeking. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">I did want to mention one item prior to leaving and this is for all of those Tecmo Super Bowl fans, you can download the classic game with the current team rosters so if you want to score a touchdown as Tim Tebow in the old style of football then Google Tecmo Super Bowl 2012. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all because even if you aren't Christian or religious what a wonderful time of year to reflect on who you are and realize that you are probably a bad human and need to be better at something.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Trivia Time: I have gained about 10 pounds this holiday season and that is just because of the depressing weather. What are your favorite family holiday traditions?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Have a good week I know I will </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Eric Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"></span></p> <div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-2056114538925414495?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-36850568732901033532011-12-17T15:32:00.001-07:002011-12-17T15:32:59.518-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOG_video_class" id="BLOG_video-4586be433b367783" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/get_player"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="flashvars" value="flvurl=http://v24.nonxt6.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id%3D4586be433b367783%26itag%3D5%26app%3Dblogger%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1329842286%26sparams%3Did,itag,ip,ipbits,expire%26signature%3D15E25A2E8AC3F0B6ECDFDE80014B32DB8A32D036.6759CB9A525F6EDA07174D732EBC857F9C27D483%26key%3Dck1&amp;iurl=http://video.google.com/ThumbnailServer2?app%3Dblogger%26contentid%3D4586be433b367783%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw160%26sigh%3DXrZwemDC1mqRcXD3aZoaWCU6CUc&amp;autoplay=0&amp;ps=blogger"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/get_player" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"width="320" height="266" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"flashvars="flvurl=http://v24.nonxt6.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id%3D4586be433b367783%26itag%3D5%26app%3Dblogger%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1329842286%26sparams%3Did,itag,ip,ipbits,expire%26signature%3D15E25A2E8AC3F0B6ECDFDE80014B32DB8A32D036.6759CB9A525F6EDA07174D732EBC857F9C27D483%26key%3Dck1&iurl=http://video.google.com/ThumbnailServer2?app%3Dblogger%26contentid%3D4586be433b367783%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw160%26sigh%3DXrZwemDC1mqRcXD3aZoaWCU6CUc&autoplay=0&ps=blogger"allowFullScreen="true" /></object></div>Laser Tag Christmas was a huge success. Thanks to all who participated.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-3685056873290103353?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-48718080373485192082011-12-12T14:32:00.000-07:002011-12-12T14:32:52.353-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Gigi sings Jingle Bells while walking in circles.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOG_video_class" id="BLOG_video-b3659012d43bbe71" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/get_player"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="flashvars" value="flvurl=http://v9.nonxt6.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id%3Db3659012d43bbe71%26itag%3D5%26app%3Dblogger%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1329842286%26sparams%3Did,itag,ip,ipbits,expire%26signature%3D1BD200E4C660EA441C295771CF0264434F75057.E3BD51FC5D89FDEB21E02E3DDA5B008E7E4E8C4%26key%3Dck1&amp;iurl=http://video.google.com/ThumbnailServer2?app%3Dblogger%26contentid%3Db3659012d43bbe71%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw160%26sigh%3DGJxkmv2-ez1iXEl5_DHY7O3uyaY&amp;autoplay=0&amp;ps=blogger"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/get_player" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"width="320" height="266" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"flashvars="flvurl=http://v9.nonxt6.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id%3Db3659012d43bbe71%26itag%3D5%26app%3Dblogger%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1329842286%26sparams%3Did,itag,ip,ipbits,expire%26signature%3D1BD200E4C660EA441C295771CF0264434F75057.E3BD51FC5D89FDEB21E02E3DDA5B008E7E4E8C4%26key%3Dck1&iurl=http://video.google.com/ThumbnailServer2?app%3Dblogger%26contentid%3Db3659012d43bbe71%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw160%26sigh%3DGJxkmv2-ez1iXEl5_DHY7O3uyaY&autoplay=0&ps=blogger"allowFullScreen="true" /></object></div><div style="text-align: center;">Gigi talks to Dad about Father while making cookies.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOG_video_class" id="BLOG_video-cb3b59e9db28f2aa" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/get_player"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="flashvars" value="flvurl=http://v8.nonxt2.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id%3Dcb3b59e9db28f2aa%26itag%3D5%26app%3Dblogger%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1329842286%26sparams%3Did,itag,ip,ipbits,expire%26signature%3D5553B2E7CC5F74E7D59D5C22CC41129373572F09.12B6C6F633193D6646C1D7C87702F4DE1185C167%26key%3Dck1&amp;iurl=http://video.google.com/ThumbnailServer2?app%3Dblogger%26contentid%3Dcb3b59e9db28f2aa%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw160%26sigh%3DpGnsmJeZO1DqDKFSoBGpyj6_9AM&amp;autoplay=0&amp;ps=blogger"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/get_player" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"width="320" height="266" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"flashvars="flvurl=http://v8.nonxt2.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id%3Dcb3b59e9db28f2aa%26itag%3D5%26app%3Dblogger%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1329842286%26sparams%3Did,itag,ip,ipbits,expire%26signature%3D5553B2E7CC5F74E7D59D5C22CC41129373572F09.12B6C6F633193D6646C1D7C87702F4DE1185C167%26key%3Dck1&iurl=http://video.google.com/ThumbnailServer2?app%3Dblogger%26contentid%3Dcb3b59e9db28f2aa%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw160%26sigh%3DpGnsmJeZO1DqDKFSoBGpyj6_9AM&autoplay=0&ps=blogger"allowFullScreen="true" /></object></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-4871808037348519208?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-67210105221217215962011-12-12T13:23:00.001-07:002011-12-12T14:33:06.928-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.36</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">-Mark Twain</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">You know what they say being a dad would be a lot easier if you didn't have any kids. But where would the reward come from? Work? Sports? Sudoku? I doubt it the most rewarding things you do in life are the things that require the most effort. Like spelling or potentially grammar (for me that is). I pretty much rely on technology for both of these aspects. I guess you could say the same thing about my parenting style. Technology really helps a person that doesn't really know what they are doing. Speaking of which, computer where are the children? "Beep, Beep, Beep." (In a robot voice) "The children are safe, one is watching Star Wars the other is bed." I respond, "Thank you computer." The whole point of this introduction is to tell a story that has happened several times with Gigi while out in public. Gigi is a very good talker and she talks a lot. She will talk louder and louder until you recognize what she is saying. So it is always better to give the traditional, "Oh yeah," response to most everything she says. The story I am about to tell is an interpretation of the reaction of the other (not Jenny and myself) people in the story. A similar story has happened to either of us on numerous occasions. We were at Target doing some Christmas <s>frustrating </s>shopping, if you catch my drift. We had been there for about an hour which is 55 minutes longer than what I like to spend in any public location. As we checked out Gigi finally wanted to sit in the cart and indicated such by asking very politely. Then she asked, "Where are my Lego's?" The lady behind the counter asked, "How old is she?" We both responded with little enthusiasm, "2 and ½." The lady then said, "She speaks really well for her age." She then talked about her 3 year old that doesn't speak that well. Both Jenny and I said, "She speaks so well because she practices a lot." The lady then went back to her task at hand, which is all we every wanted from her. I told Jenny that she and many others probably think we are most rotten parents because we show little enthusiasm when it comes to the vocal abilities of our daughter. The truth is we probably have taken for granted her abilities and truly we are so amazed everyday at her repertoire of words. What two year gets excited about what mom brought home from the grocery store and says, "You bought us paper plates, how wonderful for me!" The point is as a father I think about all of the time my parents spent with and wanted to tear their hair out, which I am sure was the majority of the time. Then I think about all of the times they spent with me that were just wonderful, mostly while I was sleeping. I think if I had to put a numerical value on it would have been an 80/20 split of terrible to wonderful times. However, you can't really calculate that because the wonderful times are so much greater than the terrible times. So in reality I survived my childhood because I took a lot of naps oh and played outside a lot. I have put a video of Gigi talking on my blog so you can see a glimpse of what great things she says every day.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Trivia Time: Lego's are probably the best gift I have ever received. How much weight is an acceptable amount to put on during the Holidays?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Have a good week I know I will </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">Eric Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"></span></p> <div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6721010522121721596?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-79682098721280275222011-12-09T21:52:00.001-07:002011-12-09T21:53:36.519-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Aren't these handsome prizes that you could win if you played Laser Tag Christmas 2011!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-T2NclAiwS9U/TuLkIUmP2SI/AAAAAAAAAQw/w-r6adhEi1w/s1600/DSC02904.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-T2NclAiwS9U/TuLkIUmP2SI/AAAAAAAAAQw/w-r6adhEi1w/s320/DSC02904.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ep0Bq9rOkG0/TuLkUhDx8_I/AAAAAAAAAQ4/1QDw9-gKACo/s1600/DSC02905.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ep0Bq9rOkG0/TuLkUhDx8_I/AAAAAAAAAQ4/1QDw9-gKACo/s320/DSC02905.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B7zcVqs3HKA/TuLkho_QxSI/AAAAAAAAARA/EU1ysqSAG-Y/s1600/DSC02906.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B7zcVqs3HKA/TuLkho_QxSI/AAAAAAAAARA/EU1ysqSAG-Y/s320/DSC02906.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3pV0wh8MwWw/TuLkuzviDDI/AAAAAAAAARI/GFjnGQkB9C8/s1600/DSC02907.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3pV0wh8MwWw/TuLkuzviDDI/AAAAAAAAARI/GFjnGQkB9C8/s320/DSC02907.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NCPpSt5hJ4g/TuLk7vAteCI/AAAAAAAAARQ/GbViXO_G0zo/s1600/DSC02908.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NCPpSt5hJ4g/TuLk7vAteCI/AAAAAAAAARQ/GbViXO_G0zo/s320/DSC02908.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2mZNOXo7-gs/TuLlKO9ZxPI/AAAAAAAAARY/fIUpqycIzg4/s1600/DSC02909.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2mZNOXo7-gs/TuLlKO9ZxPI/AAAAAAAAARY/fIUpqycIzg4/s320/DSC02909.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5TuDavvEXTA/TuLlV0KQ5QI/AAAAAAAAARg/-oLxqLfsiv8/s1600/DSC02910.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5TuDavvEXTA/TuLlV0KQ5QI/AAAAAAAAARg/-oLxqLfsiv8/s320/DSC02910.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-7968209872128027522?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-22891773892070974072011-12-05T12:00:00.001-07:002011-12-05T12:01:17.582-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.35</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: center; "><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font: major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold">-Mark Twain</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">As I sit here with Return of Jedi playing in the background I can hear Grayson cheering because he knows that the Rebel Alliance will soon have its revenge on the Empire and all will be well in a galaxy far, far away. Oh wait that's not cheering he is crying because he is hungry. Taking care of kids is like making eggs. You can't throw some eggs in a dish and walk away you have to be ever vigilant otherwise you wind up with burnt eggs. Speaking of which is it safe for kids to eat burnt eggs? You all know I am just kidding I would never feed my kids anything I wouldn't eat which is why we have been eating Doritos and cookies. I say if it is good enough for American teenagers then it is probably good enough for 90% of the population. So as we have now entered into the realm of Christmas our thoughts should be turned to the most important things in our life. You all know what I am talking about. Do I even know what I am talking about? All I know is that I witnessed a miracle yesterday as we comfortably put 19 kids and 25 adults in our little home. Well I guess I use comfortable in the loosest of terms. We got them all in there and there were seats for most of the people. Also most of the kids just played in Gigi's room. She enjoyed that for about an hour then somebody said they saw her standing in the middle of the room screaming, "Get out of my room!" After the dust settled and furniture was returned to its proper place I had steamed the floors 3 times this weekend. Which takes my running total of times I have steamed our floors up to 3. What did I learn about steaming floors? If I ever get rich enough to afford it I want somebody to push to a steam cleaner in front of me as I walk barefoot on the warmth of the steam cleaned floors. Jenny told me that I shouldn't step where I just steamed but it was like a drug. At first my toe touched the steamed area. It was so nice the next time I put half of my foot in the steamed areas, then my whole foot. It was so nice like one of those towels that they give you at fancy rib places. You know the warm moist toweletts. Oh how sweet it is to clean BBQ sauce off of your face with a warm towel. Maybe instead of somebody pushing a steam mop in front of me it could just be a steam room that I can control like a motorized wheel chair. Oh that would be both awesome and creepy. On third thought I guess really I would much rather just have a steam room in my house that I can lock from the inside so I don't have to see anybody and can just enjoy my steam room to myself. Merry Christmas Eric.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Trivia Time: What was your favorite gift?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Have a good week I know I will </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Eric Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"></span></p> <div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-2289177389207097407?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-16690891433123350922011-11-28T11:00:00.001-07:002011-11-28T11:00:58.051-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.34</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: center; "><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font: major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold">-Mark Twain</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold">Last week I forgot to add in the one thing I am most grateful for. I am grateful that American society provides toilet paper in public restrooms and when you visit other people's homes they have some sort of toilet paper in their bathroom. After having to clean up with old cereal boxes, newspapers and other random non paper like materials it is nice to know that every time nature calls I can answer that call knowing there will be toilet paper within my reach or somebody can bring me some. Also I am thankful that most public restrooms provide toilet paper without having to purchase it prior to entering. I will never forget when I went to a public restroom in Loja and the man at the door said, "And what will you be doing today?" I told him I would be using the bathroom he asked again, "And what will you be DOING today?" I figured it out and told him I will be urinating. You tend not to learn the slang terms when you learn a second language so I am sure he thought I was mister fancy pants. The guy after me did #2 and had to pay extra for toilet paper. I made sure to always have home court advantage if that occurred because maybe they wouldn't sell you enough toilet paper. Anywho, I just thought I should mention that since every time I sit down to talk to a man about a horse I am grateful for toilet paper. Now if only bidets became the societal norm in America. Oh that would be sweet. Nothing beats a good bidet.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold">So here I am my first day as the Monday stay at home dad. So far so good. We got through the first feeding and Gigi has been most helpful. Her help consists of her asking for things at inopportune times. For instance as I prepared Grayson's bottle I thought, "Boy I wish I could feed him like Jenny does but alas I must use a bottle." Then after about 5 minutes of him shout screaming Gigi asks for waffles and cheese. Come on Gigi can't you tell I am only two hours into being the Monday stay at home dad and I am already irregular and can't seem to walk, talk and breathe at the same time. I thought that I would have about 15 minutes of solitude to type this gem but alas after lying peacefully for 10 minutes Grayson is awake and crying. Gigi wants to sing her repertoire of songs and my bowels are screaming for relief. I would just like to take this time to mention how great it is to have such a wonderful patient person in your life that seems to almost effortlessly take care of all these things. I think I just figured out how Jenny might get through the day. Gigi is sitting behind me at the table talking and she just asked, "What is your favorite color Gigi?" She then whispered that answer to herself. I guess it is little moments like these that make the day bright and make you want to keep on moving forward, not backwards, upwards not forwards and always twirling towards the future. I have only been the Monday stay at home dad for two hours and I am already losing my mind. I just want to know why there aren't more crazies in this world.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Trivia Time: What do use every day that you take for granted?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Have a good week I know I will </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Eric Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"></span></p> <div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-1669089143312335092?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-38291663621333467872011-11-21T13:55:00.001-07:002011-11-21T13:57:26.166-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size:18.0pt">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.33</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i>It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i>-Mark Twain</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Warning this email has the potential to be long. So if you need to use the bathroom do it now, if you need a snack or a drink get one now because once you begin you won't be able to stop. Well, if the phone rings, the doorbell rings, or you cough, then you will probably be able to stop but other than the aforementioned items be prepared for 15 minutes of reading.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I call this first paragraph, "Conversations from the Jones dinner table." Items you will need to know for this paragraph to make more sense. My daughter loves to watch cartoons, any cartoon and she loves to sing, any song. Lately she has been singing "Tomorrow" from Annie and a song about a mean old witch. Oh, also, she hums the "Imperial March" a lot. Ok, so last night during dinner she sang a new song that I have never heard. It is called, "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpiD21jtWGA">The Backson</a>." Okay by sing, I mean she just cheerfully says the line, "What does the Backson do?" But still it is adorable. So after Jenny told me what the song is and where it came from, I had an epiphany, I guess we can call it that or maybe, what is the opposite of an epiphany but still provoking thought? Maybe it was just a dumb thought, yeah that is it. I had a dumb thought. I says to Jenny I says, "One thing that really bothers me about Winnie the Pooh is that if the whole story takes place in the mind of a child, why is there a depressed donkey? You would think that if Chris Robin doesn't like the donkey enough to make him depressed then he would just not play with him. Nobody wants to hang out with a depressed donkey. People hang out with donkeys because they make asses of themselves." Can I say asses? Sure it is the internet, say whatever the stink you want to. After some in-depth discussion about children and playtime, Jenny told me that since the poems, stories, and books were written by an adult, A.A. Milne, he was able to interpret characters how he pleased. So he probably adapted Eeyore (who I feel terrible for most of the time because he doesn't realize that depression is a treatable disease, they have pills for that little buddy) to be one sad donkey that believes the world is out to get him and everything that can go wrong will and does go wrong. There was some more in-depth discussion about how you can tell if your child suffers from depression based on how they play with their toys. If they make one of their toys the loveable loser then they might have depression or just be a fan of black comedies. I have noticed that toys in Gigi's collection all seem to have good attitudes and more importantly they all have good relationships with their dads. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">The next item, since it is Thanksgiving week, I just thought I would tell you some of the things I have been thinking about since the beginning of November. Living in a different country really gives you perspective on how sweet life is in America. Don't get me wrong life in other countries is pretty sweet but because I was born and raised here, life in the U.S. of A. is just so sweet. From my experiences overseas I have been able to add millions of items of to my list of things I am thankful for. Here are a few that I have been thinking about during my down time (please note that just because I don't mention you by name doesn't mean I am not thankful for, in fact I am thankful for all that stuff like, family, friends, job, TV, Nintendo, and etc.). I am thankful the water delivery systems in the USA. As I filled my cup up at the fridge I thought what a great blessing it is to say I want clean drinking water and then get it on demand. You have no idea how annoying it is to boil water, wait for it to cool down and then drink it or go to the store and buy bottled water every time you want to drink water. If I am buying a drink at the store it had better be sugary sweet. Okay next thing, I am thankful that the people that breed animals do it somewhat responsibly. Sure we could improve on only producing puppies and kittens for the demand. It would eliminate a lot of unnecessary government spending to shelter and house the stray animals and sadly end their lives. We don't need more animal lovers in the world we need more responsible animal breeders. However bad you might think the animal problem is here, multiple that by 1,000 for poverty stricken nations. I have seen more unusual animals in other countries than anywhere else. So I am thankful responsible pet ownership and breeding. The last thing I will mention today is, I am thankful for a holiday that should (I know, I know, don't should on me) entice people to be more grateful for what they have. Because no matter how you live there should always be at least one thing you can be thankful for. Even Eeyore, deep down, has to be thankful for his good friends that will drop what they are doing to help him find his tail. So look around you people and find something to be thankful for during this season and think about what your life would be like without that item. If you can't think of anything, think about how in a week it is okay to watch Home Alone. That show is sweet.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Trivia Time: What are you thankful for?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Laser Tag Christmas has been tentatively scheduled for December 16 at 7:00 PM. Come one, come all. Put it on your calendars. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Here is the current list of participants:</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="265" style="width:198.75pt;margin-left:4.65pt;border-collapse:collapse;mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt"> <tbody><tr style="mso-yfti-irow:0;mso-yfti-firstrow:yes;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>For Sure Coming</b></p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>Maybe Coming</b></p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:1;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Russell Loncyzna </p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Corey Bruse</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:2;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Eric Jones</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Chris Wright</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:3;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Jennifer Jones</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Kim Wright</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:4;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Danny Sorensen</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Doug Carly</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:5;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Emi Sorensen</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Chase Carly</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:6;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Allison Sorensen</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Danny Harris</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:7;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Mickael Sorensen</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Amanda Harris</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:8;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Tim Jones</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Mr E</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:9;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Payton Jones</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Zach Josie</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:10;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Meg Whiting</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Riley Josie</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:11;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Chad Whiting</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Andrew Sandall</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:12;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Brian Billingsley</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Mary Sandall</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:13;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Stephanie Billingsley</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">Matt McClelland</p> </td> </tr> <tr style="mso-yfti-irow:14;mso-yfti-lastrow:yes;height:15.0pt"> <td width="145" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:108.75pt;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"> <p class="MsoNormal">James Tolboe</p> </td> <td width="120" nowrap valign="bottom" style="width:1.25in;padding:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; height:15.0pt"></td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Have a good week I know I will </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Eric Jones</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></p><div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-3829166362133346787?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-41583292901468841392011-11-14T10:43:00.000-07:002011-11-15T08:07:11.444-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.32</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Mark Twain</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpLast" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">At what point is too much meat being consumed? I have never been one to calorie count or even meal count. When I thought about food I would get food and put it in my food hole. Oh I am sorry some of you call it a mouth. But apparently there are healthy diets and then there is my diet.&nbsp; I decided several months ago to limit my sugar intake but it is so hard when sugar made up 89% of my diet. Okay maybe those numbers are little bit skewed for comedy but still you get the idea that I would just drink a soda instead of eating some healthy nuts but I am not a squirrel so why would I eat nuts when I can drink Pepsi?&nbsp; On Good House Keeping's website I found the following healthy diet for a man. I don't think it was a human man but nevertheless here it is. </span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">It is a lot different from the meals I had on Friday and Saturday. On Friday we went to dinner with my parents&nbsp;</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px;">to Wingers</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px;">, because my mom retired and congratulations to her. As most of you carnivores know they are doing their all can you eat wings. Oh when I was in High School I would do this several times while the promotion was running. As a man I have do it every other year or even more sparsely. I only ate 18 wings on Friday night, what a weakling, I used to be able to eat a healthy lunch then eat like 25 wings with ease. On Friday when I got to 15 I thought I will be regretting this for several days. Sure enough I have had what can only be described as a meat headache for about 40 hours now. On Saturday I saw that we might have to go to Sam's Club which means we might have to get a Polish dog from the Sam. But I told Jenny that we better not and that I should only eat a light lunch that day. Instead I ate a plate full of pot roast and carrots. At least there were carrots. I am yet to find a website that states what I did was healthy. Several sites say indirectly that what I did would cause a normal human to go into a comma of sorts. I guess it was all of the cheering I did on Saturday afternoon that ensured my survival. Anyway here is the meal plan for a healthy human man along with my commentary.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpLast" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b>Breakfast </b>(Usually I just eat inversion air and a Gatorade for breakfast)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">• 1 cup Cheerios</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 1/2 cup berries (fresh or frozen) </span></span><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 1 cup fat-free or low-fat milk</span></span><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 1 whole-grain English muffin, toasted, topped with 2 teaspoons light butter or margarine</span></span><br /> <br /> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b>Mid-morning snack </b>(What only one mid-morning snack? Also I wouldn't be caught dead eating such filth for a snack. I will just stick to my Doritos.)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">• 5 pieces dried apricot</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 2 fig bar cookies (such as Fig Newtons)</span></span><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 1 cup tea with lemon</span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b>Lunch </b>(The last time I used horseradish was on a dare and I will never make that mistake again.)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">•</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">&nbsp;</span></span><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Sandwich:</span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">&nbsp;</span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">one 6-inch whole-wheat pita, spread with 1 tablespoon light mayonnaise (flavored with 1/2 teaspoon horseradish) and stuffed with 2 ounces deli-style roast beef, 1-ounce slice of reduced-fat Cheddar cheese, 3 tomato slices and lettuce</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 6 baby carrots</span></span><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 1 banana, sprinkled with cinnamon</span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b>Afternoon snack </b>(Yogurt, blah I would rather be fat.)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">• 8 ounces fat-free plain or light yogurt (any flavor)</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 3 vanilla wafers (Now we are talking, wafers! I would multiple their number by 10 then call it good.)</span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><b>Dinner </b>(I am just going to scratch the dinner and salad and eat pizza.)</div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">• 4 ounces grilled or broiled salmon (brushed with honey mustard and 1/2 teaspoon dried dill weed before cooking)</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 2/3 cup brown rice (garnished with 1 teaspoon toasted nuts)</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">&nbsp;</span></span><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 3/4 cup sliced asparagus spears, steamed or microwave, sprinkled with 1 teaspoon Parmesan cheese</span></span><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">•</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">&nbsp;</span></span><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">Salad:</span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">&nbsp;</span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">2 1/2 cups baby spinach leaves topped with 1 tangerine, peeled and sectioned; 2 scallions, chopped; and 1 tablespoon chopped almonds; drizzled with 2 tablespoons sesame seed vinaigrette salad dressing</span></span><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• 1 cup light ice cream (any brand that's about 100 calories for 1/2 cup)</span></span><br /> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">• Water or other no-cal beverage</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">Trivia Time: What is best snack food?</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px;">Have a good week I know I will</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><div><br /></div>-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-4158329290146884139?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-74622574187873035382011-11-07T12:26:00.001-07:002011-11-15T08:05:59.007-07:00<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size:18.0pt"><span>                     </span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.31</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i>It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i>-Mark Twain</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Well we are now well into this thing they are calling a lockout. I have to say that as a Utah Jazz fan I am happy that this lockout is occurring. I will dissect the pros and cons later but for now let's just say that the NBA once a great league has, in the past ten years (during the last collective bargaining agreement), deteriorated into a multi-billion dollar enterprise of street basketball. It used to be that were just a couple of teams that played the, what I call the spread offense in basketball. This offense involves a lot of one or no pass possessions. The man with the ball spreads the other players out and he/she takes on their defender one-on-one. Oh the horror of this style of basketball. If I wanted to watch this I would just go from LDS meeting to LDS meeting and watch pick-up games every night, for free. Jerry Sloan and a few other coaches were still requiring their players to run plays and pass the ball, as the game is supposed to be played. The whole point of sports to not only outperform your opponent but it is to out whit them. It is like a game of chess, well I don't know how to play chess so it is like a game of checkers and you get your opponent to take the only option they have and that is when you get kinged. Or it is like a game of Ticket to Ride, you take more trip cards to get your opponent sweating and that is when they make mistakes. When thinking about this I am reminded of several mediocre Jazz players that have been passed through the Jazz system like a bad burrito and what they say after their attitude or lack of abilities gets them traded or released from the comfort of Jerry Sloan's hands. They have all said something along these lines, "Basketball is meant to fun and it can be when you are free to do what you want on the court." None the Jazz players in this category have had much success in the NBA post Jazz. Well I guess Deshawn Stevenson who left the Jazz for greener pastures did start for the Championship Mavericks last season. Boy does that really make you upset when you see somebody like Deshawn win something when he really didn't have much to do with their success. The point is when you play basketball in a beautiful system like J-Slo's then even I might look good in the NBA as long as I worked hard and completed my assignments. Okay now for the pros and cons of the NBA lockout.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">I will start with the cons since there are few cons.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">The people that rely on the NBA for income (this of course is excluding the owners and players) will not have this revenue generator like they have in years past. Half of my winter attire can't be worn because I don't wear Jazz apparel if they are not playing. Lucky for me I found one of the greatest sweaters at the DI a month or so ago. The sweater is the Utah state flag but then it also has what I think is Mt Olympus from a weird angle and it says, "Wasatch Mountains." The Wasatch Range is my favorite.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Here are my pros.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Every agreement that has been reached will only help the Jazz stay competitive in this league. I don't have to watch the Jazz lose over 40 games this year because if there is a season there will probably only be 50 to 60 games. I don't have to go anywhere to watch a Jazz game (not having cable has its perks, like not paying for cable and doing other stuff but let's face it as a sports fan you need cable). If I need to call my Grandma I don't have to look to see if the Jazz are playing prior to calling. If I needed to I am sure I could book the ESA for real cheap because they are desperate to fill the venue (I mean how many times can you put Disney on Ice on before people get tired of skating Disney characters, I haven't been once and I can tell you that I am already way tired of it). </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Trivia Time: Who is the all time funniest Utah Jazz player?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Laser Tag Christmas has been tentatively scheduled for December 16 at 7:00 PM. Come one, come all. Put it on your calendars. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Have a good week I know I will </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Eric Jones</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></p><div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-7462257418787303538?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-2326298214394784852011-10-24T11:25:00.001-07:002011-10-24T13:54:54.446-07:00<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size:18.0pt"><span>                   </span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.29</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i>It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i>-Mark Twain</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:15.0pt">How many warts are too many? This is the question I have been asking myself the past year. I would say one wart is too many but you when you don't want to go have it burned off one wart is the right number. What are warts you ask? <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background:white;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Warts</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background:white"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background:white">are skin growths which are caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV) - they are non-cancerous. The virus causes keratin, a hard protein in the epidermis (the top layer of the skin) to grow too fast. Warts are different from moles. While moles are dark and can be quite large, warts tend to be small, skin-colored rough lumps. Warts most commonly appear on a person&#39;s hands and feet.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background:white"> How do you get warts you ask? Some have argued that you can get them from riding a tractor others dispute that fact and say they are passed on from the wart fairy (West Jordan Middle School, yes the fairy is an entire school). A more reputable <a href="http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/155039.php"><span>website</span></a> states the following about wart causation: </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background: white">Different HPV (human papilloma virus) strains cause warts. The wart-causing virus can be passed on by close skin-to-skin contact, as well as through contact with towels or shoes.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background:white"> </span></span><span style="background:white"><br> <br> <span class="apple-style-span">The wart-causing virus can be spread to other parts of the body in the following ways:</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:11.25pt;text-indent:-.25in;line-height:15.0pt;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol"><span>·<span style="font:7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">         </span></span></span><span style="background:white">If somebody scratches or bites a wart (Bitting warts is so tempting, I haven't done it but I bet they are salty)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:11.25pt;text-indent:-.25in;line-height:15.0pt;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol"><span>·<span style="font:7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">         </span></span></span><span style="background:white">Sucking fingers (Only if there is BBQ sauce on them)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:11.25pt;text-indent:-.25in;line-height:15.0pt;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol"><span>·<span style="font:7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">         </span></span></span><span style="background:white">Biting fingernails can cause warts to spread on the fingertips and around nails (If you don't have fingernail clippers what else you going to do?)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:11.25pt;text-indent:-.25in;line-height:15.0pt;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol"><span>·<span style="font:7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">         </span></span></span><span style="background:white">Shaving (face or legs (I haven't shaved my legs with warts in a long time. So silky smooth if you do though.)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background:white">A person whose skin is damaged, wet, or comes into contact with rough surfaces is more likely to catch the infection. For example, a person with scratches or cuts on the soles of his/her feet is more likely to catch verrucas in and around public swimming pools.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background:white"> </span></span><span style="background:white"><br> <br> <span class="apple-style-span">As we all have different immune systems some of us may develop warts when we come into contact with HPV, while others don&#39;t. The risk of catching warts from another person is fairly small, but it exists. Genital warts are much more contagious.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background:white"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background:white">After reading this delightful article the next time I get warts I am telling people that I have <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGOI8-X_JWg">HPV</a>. I am sure they will get confused and it will be delightful.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background:white"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background:white">How do you get rid of warts? Oh there are several ways. You can go the medicine man and he will burn it off or freeze it off or he will cut it off. I am not sure about the cutting one but he can do it alright if that is what you are into. You can also try essential oils. I asked Mahina which oil would get rid of the wart. Once she told me I had to apply the oil continuously until it went away I said, "No thank you. I will just live ol' warty (ol' warty is what he liked to be called)." Brittany told me that you can buy over the counter wart removal stuff. I thought, "Buy? Over a counter? Sounds too risky I better just keep him." The wart and I had formed a bound but slowly I could feel the wart draining my powers. I couldn't let the wart win. I am man of this body and he is just a stupid wart. So one day I googled wart removal at home. Because if I was going to get rid of that thing it was going to happen, at home, for free, and it had to be comical in some way. So I found an <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfDNQwlogIo">instructional video on the internets</a> that told me I could remove ol' warty with some duct tape, water and sand paper. I thought, "I have that stuff just lying around. This could be the remedy for me." So here is the technique. Cover the wart with duct tape for about 12 hours. Then soak the warted area in some nice warm water. I recommend, if the wart is on your hand then you should wash the dishes or if the wart is anywhere on your body you could go swimming for a long time. The key is you want that thing looking like a prune. Once you have the wart all wrinkly and moist take your sand paper (You can use a nail file but I found industrial strength sand paper requires a lot less effort) and smooth out the wart. It will probably scab over as did mine but once the scab is gone you are back to your smooth self. I will keep you posted if the wart comes back, but it has been 4 weeks and no sign of ol'warty.</span></span><span style="background: white"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Trivia Time: My favorite movie is Clue. How fast can an adult Cheetah run?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Have a good week I know I will </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Eric Jones</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></p><div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-232629821439478485?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-63668529064521837062011-10-16T22:37:00.001-07:002011-10-16T22:39:19.259-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.29</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">-Mark Twain</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">So here I sit listening to my favorite movie. The funny thing is I can both watch this movie with the volume turned down and still pretty much quote this movie verbatim or I can do as I am doing now, listen to the movie and visualize the entire on goings. Yes I have watched this movie that many times. Watching this movie makes me think about my dreams because often times I find myself smack dab in the middle of a murder mystery. Let's talk about dreams. I have always thought that cold weather alters your dreams (for the better). I am not sure but I think some experts at a college agree with that statement. I have two examples of how this has happened recently. The week following the birth of Grayson the weather turned cold and we don't really heat our house at night. You can conserve water by conserving energy (remember that people). I woke multiple times in the night always after Jenny was done feeding Grayson because she would roll over to get Baby Gray out of the basinet, pulling the sheets off of my person. If only Jenny would starch our sheets when she rolled back over the sheet would have slid back onto me, keeping me cozy. But alas Jenny prefers soft sheets so there I would lay, cold in my PJs. The first night I had a dream as follows (dream transition). I was going to investigate water use on a remote lot located in some rural part of Utah. I exited my vehicle and decided to walk the remaining 100 yards to the house. When I got to the house I saw that it was dilapidated and abandoned. I thought good luck on getting this approved (cynical governmental laugh). As I turned to leave I heard a lambs cry, I know what you are thinking Silence of the Lambs but it is not that scary. So I thought maybe we do have some water use after all. I had to open a gate to get in and see the animals. They had been neglected and all were about to either die or turn into carnivores to survive. I tried to call for help but I didn't have any cell phone reception. Why doesn't T-mobile provide cell coverage in my dreams? I decided I had better go back to my car to get help but as I turned to leave and there was a cougar blocking my exit. I was armed with the following items in my dream, a small knife, a clipboard, some paper, my ability to reason, and my whit. Turns out that 80% of those items are worthless against a cougar and 100% of those items will only make the cougar hungry for more. The cougar purred and attacked. I quickly went to my quiver and drew out my reasoning ability but the cougar wouldn't listen to reason. I turned to my whit but the cougar didn't have a sense of humor. I tossed the papers in the air as I ran for my life, but wouldn't you know, the cougar was not the water right owner and didn't want to review my work. The clipboard did distract him for a fraction of a second but he shrugged it off like some bad Thai food. I went to the knife when the cougar pounced on me like I was Zazu (yes Gigi and I have been watching a lot of Lion King). My only hope was to punch the cougar in the head (watch episode 2 of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5Lmkm5EF5E">Guy on Buffalo</a> time stamp 1:37 to get a good visual on this). I quickly woke up after this because you don't punch a cougar and get away with it. The second example of how being cold makes you have crazy dreams. As you may or may have gathered from past, present or future letters Gigi is a rambunctious little girl that knows what she wants and does what she wants regardless of what she is told to do. So there I was in a dream just dreaming away. This dream either took place in the future or another universe because some crazy science fiction junk was going down. Gigi had been especially evil as of late (again I want to put in a disclaimer here that we in a dream it is not reality). So Jenny and I told her that if she didn't start acting better we would activate her clone. For some reason in the dream society every new child came with a clone that grew at the same rate as the child just in case the child had a serious disease or accident. The clone could be activated to replace the "real McCoy." Also if you didn't use the clone by the time the child is 18 then the clone was destroyed. In the dream Gigi was a teenager but looked like a 2 year old. Jenny and I debated and debated about activating the clone. The dream gets fuzzy and weird at this point because we did activate the clone but the real Gigi was still alive. I woke up when I realized that clone was just as poorly behaved as the real Gigi. I couldn't catch a break in this dream. So when I woke up I tried to trick my brain into going back to the dream where I fought a cougar. I wanted to enter this dream because I did some mental exercising to make sure that dream Eric could run faster, jump higher, and punch harder than ever before. But instead of getting back into the cougar dream I just got into the shower and went to work tired. I am tired and cold a lot lately which probably explains a lot of the crazy things I have been saying, doing and eating.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align:justify;line-height:150%"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Trivia Time: What is my favorite movie?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold">Have a good week I know I will </span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold">Eric Jones</span></p> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height:150%"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:150%;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;"></span></p><div><br></div>-- <br>This message was approved by Eric Jones<br> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6366852906452183706?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-65643898394783972842011-10-03T11:10:00.000-07:002011-10-03T11:10:24.474-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.28</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">-Mark Twain</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">What a spectacular weekend! What you might say? Eric don't you realize that the Utes were decimated, that Real scored on themselves to lose again and that BYU came from behind to beat the Aggies costing you a bag of chips? To which I responded, "This world is not all about sports however if the following events hadn't taken place then I would have been in a bad mood all weekend. Believe me." So here is how our weekend played out. So you all know that we are on baby watch 2011 so Friday night it was decided that I should stay home, instead of go to the Cottonwood football game so I stayed home and watched the USU vs BYU football game. In the end that game was a waste of time. I tell you what wasn't a waste of time was Fringe. If you are not watching Fringe and you enjoy science fiction crap then you will like Fringe. I am pretty sure that this is the last season of Fringe so catch up and watch it end live. The baseball playoffs will give you a few extra weeks to catch up. So of course the baby didn't come on Friday night. We went to bed only to wake up at 5:30 am but not to go to the hospital just to sit and stare at each other. So there we sat for 3 hours. Then Jenny said we better go to the hospital so off we went. It was the complete opposite experience from when Gigi was born. When she came it was all rush, rush, rush and junk but with this one we just kind of mosied into the hospital all smiles and high fives. I really like this version better because Jenny was able to answer all of the questions instead of me making answers up. Turns out Jenny isn't 5'5" and 180 lbs. Who knew? Apparently Jenny knows that. So we went back and Jenny wasn't in active labor so they said you have to stay an hour then you can leave. Instead of what they told us we decided to be admitted into a room where I promptly fell asleep on the couch and Jenny laid in bed for about 3 hours. Then the doctor came in and said, "Well you are numb and the contractions are getting stronger so if you want to you can push now." We went with the flow I took my position on the right leg, out of the way. The once cold room was draped with colorful sterile cloth adding depth and character as we prepared to greet our baby boy for the first time outside of the womb. Jenny pushed for about 5 or 10 minutes and out came the head. The doctor said, "Okay I am going to need one more big push to get the shoulders out." Silently Jenny gritted her teeth bore down and pushed with vigor. Clenching her teeth BBJ moved slightly and then before I could react liquid came gushing out from behind the baby and it hit me in the hand. So we already know that BBJ is a big practical jokester. I had to look away as I started to dry heave. I am not certain but I think that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that vomiting on a baby is not the best thing right after delivery. The 1 doctor that disagrees isn't really a doctor he is this homeless guy that they call Doc. So that study isn't scientific in any way, shape or form. After that little joke baby Grayson Royal Jones was officially a healthy human boy sustaining himself. Weighing in at 7 lbs 11.6 oz at a height of 21.5 inches he is ready to join in the baby class of MMA. Not really he can't start training for several weeks but when he does watch out Baby MMA world Grayson is going to dominate. So that is why this was the best weekend of 2011. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Trivia Time: Brian Billingsley guessed 10/1/11 he can now go and pick something out from Brenda's basement (valued at $5 or less is what Brenda told me) Who or what is the best otter pop flavor?</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></div><div><br /></div>-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6564389839478397284?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-22107075288549687632011-09-26T10:58:00.000-07:002011-09-26T10:58:26.009-07:00<br /><div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.27</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">-Mark Twain</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">It took several days longer than I anticipated but the Saga has finally come to a close. The balance has been restored to a galaxy far, far away. What a fantastic journey it was watching all of those sweet stories anew. We can learn a lot from Star Wars. I think the most important thing we learn is that family is more important than being cool with the Emperor. Also I think that a first watcher of the Saga should watch it in the original release order otherwise they already know elements of the stories that make episodes 5 and 6 awesome. So onto another topic. I read in the paper, okay to be honest I don't really thoroughly read any news article. Here is my strategy. I will hold the paper up and look at the cover from there I read all of the headlines upon reading the first headline I assume what the stories is about and take it as fact. If the headline is intriguing I will start to read the article. For example yesterday there was a headline that peaked my interest. It was about the illegal artifact findings in Southern Utah. I began to read the article and after a few sentences I decided to not read it because it just turned into a whining story. Okay so now you know how I read the paper, with that in mind I will relate an occurrence that took place on Friday in our home. I saw the paper and decided it was time to scan the headlines. I saw a headline that said, "QR codes to be etched into headstones." For those of you not in the know in about QR codes, these are the square codes found on a lot of advertisements, signs and in magazines. They allow a smart phone user to scan the code and see more details pertaining to the particular item. This could include, print, pictures, audio, or video. Pretty sweet little deal if you have a smart phone. So anyway the headline said, "QR codes to be etched into headstones." I told Jenny about the headline then I followed that up with (Keep in mind I didn't read the article and still have no idea what the content behind the headline is), "Hey Jenny they are going to etch QR codes into headstones." She didn't seem impressed; this is probably why I didn't read the article. I did however expound on the headline for Jenny's sake. I told her that you could walk around a cemetery and scan people's headstones to see pictures of them, perhaps hear them speak or watch them doing stuff. To quote the Cable Guy, "The possibilities are endless." I informed Jenny that I want something like that on my headstone er I mean my shrine. For I will not have a headstone. I wonder if mortuaries are going to provide the server to store all of the data behind the code or if they will third party that out. I think there is money to be made here people. Maybe not in the immediate future but when tech savvy people start buying headstones the dollars will roll in. Also think about doing genealogy with these QR codes. It will be more exciting than completing trees you will be watching trees complete themselves. That last sentence sounded better this morning while I was pondering in bed. I just wanted to add in a disclaimer here, remember that I have no idea what the article was about, it could be that people are paying for their headstones by allowing advertisers to put advertising QR codes on their headstones. I have no idea because I didn't read the story. Either way the future is now people. Pretty soon we will only have to eat, breathe and exercise everything else will be done for us. Yeah!?</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Trivia Time: Here are the current guesses for when BBJ will be born, what is your guess?</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Jenny Jones 9/30/11; Brian Billingsley 10/1/11; Rolayne Bruse 10/2/11 Mickael Sorensen 10/7/11 (For Slurpee purposes), Tim Jones 10/10/11; Jdub 10/31/11; Dan Sorensen 11/11/11 and Stephanie Billingsley 1/1/2012 my guess is 9/27/11 anytime will be the perfect time. Keep guessing until she explodes. If it goes further than this week heaven help us.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></div></div>-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-2210707528854968763?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-42374920022826866862011-09-19T11:06:00.000-07:002011-09-19T11:06:22.153-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.26</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">-Mark Twain</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Like millions of nerds Friday I received one of the most precious packages a nerd man could wish for. However, my plan of watching every episode back to back was crushed by a busy weekend schedule and a logical woman. But since I don't work today I have been able to continue on watching the Star Wars episodes in order of least favorite to most favorite. The funny thing is, watching them following this rule means I am watching them in chorological order. Apart from some BO and bed head the first three episodes have been everything I had hoped they would be. Gigi is also enjoying the episodes; she wants to dance when the imperial march comes on. I think I am okay with that, the imperial march has never been so adorable. I will tell you this Frankie sure hates Star Wars, what a jock. So there we were watching Attack of the Clones and Frankie just starts shaking when Jango Fett came on the screen. I told him to man up, Mace Windu will quickly dispose of this bounty hunter. I had to get up to use the facilities, Frankie followed me into the bathroom. It was at this moment I realized he wasn't shaking because of the movie rather he really needed to go. Kaboom, explosive diarrhea all over the bathroom floor. This of course was followed by me dry heaving for several minutes. I don't do well with crazy smells. I am pretty sure this goes back to middle school. I can't pinpoint one particular event I can just say that middle school generates some of the craziest smells this country has ever produced. It is the combination of poor hygiene and colognes that should only be applied by professionals. If there is one sense I could give up and still be happy about my existence it would be smell. Sure I would forfeit the smell of popcorn, flowers and cucumbers (Yes they have a delightful smell) but I would never have to smell the horrid smells generated by humans, animals and other decomposing materials.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Trivia Time: Here are the current guesses for when BBJ will be born, what is your guess?</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Brian Billingsley 10/1/11; Mickael Sorensen 10/7/11 (For Slurpee purposes), Tim Jones 10/10/11; Jenny Jones 9/30/11, Dan Sorensen 11/11/11 and Stephanie Billingsley 1/1/2012 my guess is 9/27/11 anytime will be the perfect time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Let there be no excuses, the PAC-12 athletes are just too big for these small independent schools. The Utes capitalized on several of BYU's unforced errors but let's be honest with ourselves, the majority of the turnovers came as a result of one fact. Utah is a lot better than BYU this year, in football. BYU is a lot better than Utah in many aspects of the collegiate experience, but not football.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></div><div><br /></div>-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-4237492002282686686?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-28185161585088186682011-09-12T09:51:00.000-07:002011-09-12T09:51:35.998-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.25</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">-Mark Twain</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">It is the most wonderful time of the year. I don't care what the famous song says about Christmas time being the most wonderful time of the year. The first weeks of September are that for me. As I sat at home this morning, yes I am a stay at home dad on Mondays now so be prepared for the hilariousness that is me babysitting, I pondered on what the immediate future holds. First and most exciting for our little family will be the birth of BBJ (Grayson Royal Jones is the name that is almost so concrete it would only crack after years of harsh weather and use) Second football is in full swing from High School to College and now the Pros have finally caught on that it is football season. Third I wore a hoodie on Saturday and was a little hot but with the first wearing of the hoodie we know that sweater weather is right around the corner. Sweater weather brings out the best in every body; it is too cold for people to be scantily clad and I won't have to worry as much about my shirt being too wrinkled to wear. Sweaters, sciences gift to the lazy person who forgets to hang up their clothes and who knows how to use an iron but has made a conscious decision to use it only as a last result. They can be dangerous. Finally with the passing of Labor Day the second annual season of CHSOL (</span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Clothespin Hide on Significant Other League</span>). As I typed this a smile came across my face because think of all the points I can score while Jenny is birthing BBJ. Here is a recap of the rules from last year. First you have to stick the</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">&nbsp;</span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">clothespin</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">&nbsp;</span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">on the person you are playing against. This is a two person or more game but the more people you have the more complicated it gets. The second rule of CHSOL is that the pin has to stay on the person for 10 minutes in order to gain a point. If the person upon whom the pin has been put finds the pin prior to the termination of the 10 minutes then the pinned person receives the points. We have not yet determined how many points are required to win the game but we do know is that the game makes for pure enjoyment. It is like the clothespin is not only being pinned on our clothes but it is pinning our joy too. The CHSOL season runs from Labor Day to Thanksgiving. Currently Jenny and I are tied 0 – 0. That will change today since I have to go get my teeth cleaned. She is always so focused when she works, what a worker bee.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: #333333;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Trivia Time: Here are the current guesses for when BBJ will be born, what is your guess?</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Brian Billingsley 10/1/11; Mickael Sorensen 10/7/11 (For Slurpee purposes), Tim Jones 10/10/11; and Stephanie Billingsley 1/1/2012 my guess is 9/27/11 really I just hope it is not this week. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">I have two more items I would like to add. Usually the typing of the letter requires only 15 to 20 minutes because I have a topic and am ready to go when Monday lunch rolls but today as I was typing Gigi came up to me and said, "Can I listen to Beauty and the Beast?" I said, "Okay." Then as soon as the song started she asks, "Dance with mes please?" Who can say no to that? So this letter has taken a few more minutes than expected but it is most delightful delay. These are the moments I have to cherish because soon she won't want to dance with Dad she would rather dance with some grease face little boy that I could take in a fight. I thought being an adult and finally being able to be beat people up would allow me to get what I wanted in life. The last item I wanted to add in is this. The moment that we have all been waiting for is here, my paper chain is down to its last 4 rings. On Friday September 16 Star Wars will be on BluRay. Oh glorious day. I will be busy from Friday until Monday morning so don't bother me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></div><div><br /></div>-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-2818516158508818668?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-92211078866282629132011-08-29T11:36:00.000-07:002011-08-29T11:36:15.673-07:00<div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.24</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i>It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i>-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">There is a popular song, yes it is still popular, that says, "Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies…" I have come to find out that lying is something most everybody does, like 100% of humans, even my 2-year lies right to my face. So I have been on a quest to uncover the most common lies that humans tell. Since I am a young man in suburbia Utah my list of the most common lies is way different than the lies a young man from the streets of downtown New York would compile. But I like to think that the most common lie of all, that I have come to determine, is a global phenomena and everybody truly does do it. I have always been an exaggerator, but in my exaggerations I feel it is okay because usually the exaggeration is a number and I always say, "Like" prior to the number altering. For example, if I were ever in a fight with some hunks over my honor or the honor of my woman (please note that I don't normally call my wife 'my woman' but hey if I am fighting hunks I must the type of guy that calls his wife, his woman. You get the point right?) I would tell the story that I had to fight like 3 hunks that were all 6'5" and 250lbs. In all actuality what really happened was I only fought 1 hunk that was 5'5" and 125lbs. But really I would have just run off regardless of whom or what it was trying to dishonor me (but not if they dishonored my woman) and hoped Jenny could out run the hunk too. Really I would just quote the Hulk Hogan classic <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbRTRkSh244">Suburban Commando</a>, "What are you nuts? This is the 90's we're going to sue you." So in my investigative reporting I found that other people do this to, usually they are the same type of person as I am. You know, human, everybody likes to make themselves look and feel better by saying the event lasted longer took more effort and was cooler than the other humans experience. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Okay so now that we have that out of the way, what are some of the biggest lies that I have found in my life being told or committed by the human race? The first one has to deal with people seeking "honest" opinions on how they look. I am sure in the time it took me to type this sentence like 500 people asked another person how they look and were lied to. It is the only logical explanation for a lot of the outfits you see in public. I am all about being comfortable but these tight jeans that the kids are wearing now a days, there is no place to put your junk. Now come on people I was talking about cell phones, wallets and keys. With this outfit trend I like to think that the coalition for fanny packs is rubbing their hands together just waiting for Justin Timberlake to wear a fanny pack so he can carry his junk. Then their slogan could be, "Fanny packs, came back with sexy." </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The next lie I found was the ever so delightful, "Yeah I am like 5 minutes away I will be there soon." Then 20 minutes later they show up and say they got stuck in traffic. A double lie. I have to come clean I actually really like this lie. A lie invented by the procrastinator for the procrastinator. That is all I am going to say about that. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Finally the lie I believe to now be a global phenomena is the following. With the advent of computers our lives have gotten easier. I tell you where they haven't gotten easier are reading those stupid user license agreements. You know you find something cool on the internet or you bought a new software game or something and you are too excited to go through the setup so you just start clicking like there is no tomorrow. Finally the program is installed and there is just one more thing, the user license agreement. You have to click the button that says, "I have read and agreed to the above agreement." Not only do humans not read these, they probably don't truly agree to them either. Because let's be honest people, I feel like we can be honest in our circle of trust, once you have the software installed you are doing everything you can to break that user agreement. I have seen it like a million times. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Honorable Mention Lies: How tall you are, the Speed Limit, Diets, and Jazz Fans.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: With a surprising guess of 10/10/11 Tim will probably win the BBJ pool. I am guessing it will happen on 9/27/11. So if you want a chance to win something from Brenda's basement then you need to venture a guess on when BBJ will be born. The doctor's guess is 10/5/11.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>GO UTES!!!!!</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div><br /></div>-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-9221107886628262913?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-63187549572415802052011-08-22T11:26:00.002-07:002011-08-22T11:26:59.883-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.23</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">There is a famous line from Kindergarten Cop, well maybe it is not one of the most famous lines of the movie but it is a line from the movie that I can tell you is too true. On his first day of being the substitute teacher Arnold leaves the class in a panic only to get some sound advice from another teacher. She said, "<span class="apple-style-span">You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it." I would like to say that you could also say 2-year olds are like the ocean you don't want to turn your back on them either. This past Friday I was in charge of Gigi and myself oh and the dogs all at the same time. Any way you slice this it is a bad idea. So there we were watching the Three Little Pigs, I thought Gigi was enthralled enough that I could take a quick cat nap. After being hit in the face a couple of times I was able to drift off to sleep. Roughly 20 minutes later I awoke to a loud crashing noise. Jumping to my feet a saw what I didn't want to see, an empty room, Gigi was nowhere to be found. I followed the noises coming from her bedroom only to see her sitting on the floor with only a shirt on. She was half way through changing her own diaper when she fell off her changing table (not the first time this has happened) and much to my chagrin she had pooped in the old diaper. I picked her up, by the armpits so as to stay clean, and put her back on the changing table. I asked her where her old diaper was. She politely responded that it had been discarded in the garbage. I figured once I get her cleaned up I could investigate if there was any human waste anywhere in the house where it shouldn't be. Quick side note several weeks ago Gigi did have an explosive BM and some of it spilled out of her diaper onto the floor. The dogs were gracious enough to help in the clean up process. This might explain two things, why I didn't find any Gigi pooh in the house and why you should let dogs lick you. Anyway back to the story at hand. I put on the new diaper and told Gigi to put on her own shorts. She is getting good at dressing herself now if we could just convince her to use the big toilet. I was shocked when I heard cries coming from my little angel saying she didn't want to put on her shorts. I thought what does a guy have to do to get some sleep around here? When I went to put her shorts on her I realized why she didn't want to put them on. Some of her business had made its way onto her shorts; my first thought was it is too hot to deal with this. Trying to cool the house down I turned on the swamp cooler while I put my daughter in non-waste soaked shorts. By the time this process was completed the cooler turned on and it sounded funny so needing an escape I told Gigi to watch a show because I needed to get on the roof. I went outside and left Gigi inside, she screamed and screamed that she wanted to come outside with me but I was "strong" and said no. Wouldn't you know it she can open up doors. I knew this but I was hoping that she had forgotten. So as I sat on the roof checking on the cooler it was a classic sitcom moment, when I needed a tool, rather than getting it myself I asked Gigi to hand it to me. That is when I did a double take and said, "What the hell are you doing on the roof Gigi?" She simply responded with a smile and a giggle and said, "Hi, dad." Fantastic, my daughter has little fear of the anything, I have only found one thing that she lives in fear of and that is bedtime. Heaven help me Gigi is either going to be a huge success in this life or a burden on the Federal court system. If only we could harness her energy into something great like unicycling or large animal training.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: So far only one person has ventured a guess on when BBJ will be born therefore Stephanie you are probably going to win something from Brenda's basement! Which animal would you rather own as a pet, a Giant Panda, a Walrus or a Donkey?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div><br /></div>-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6318754957241580205?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-32914374448020251452011-08-08T11:22:00.000-07:002011-08-08T11:22:02.032-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> &nbsp;<b>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.22</b></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">How many times would you try and park your car before you decided, "Hey maybe I am not meant to park here?" I will be the first to admit that I am not the best at parking but I do know when it is time to quit trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Pertinent background information, I remember in High School I went to the West Jordan vs Bingham basketball game and I couldn't find a spot anywhere until, "Yes there it was the perfect spot." I quickly pulled right in with no issues. At least I thought there weren't any issues. At the time of the incident I was only 15 but my sister had already went to the game and my friend wanted to go so we took her car. Apart from what I am about to say the night went off without a hitch oh and the stop I "rolled" through. When I came out to leave I was greeted with yelling from an adult, my arch enemy at the time (Please note it was not this particular adult just adults in general). This human started calling me names and telling me I am huge idiot to whom I responded gracefully by one not peeing my pants and by not saying anything to him. Apparently my parking spot was too good to be true because I double parked and blocked him in. Still to this day I wish I had investigated my parking performance a little better because I think he double parked after me, yeah that's it he somehow got his car wedged in there behind mine. Okay now for the real story. A couple of weeks ago Jenny and I went to get a snow cone at Cup O' Snow, I highly recommend doing this before the snow cone season ends. Anyway as we waited for our glorious concoctions to emerge from the magical shake we saw a large SUV pull into the parking lot. I paid particular attention to it because they were going to park next to our car. As they tried to get in there my first thought was, "Oh heavens they are never going to make that." Sure enough they went in and had to back out making the slightest of corrections to their trajectory. Attempt number 2 didn't go any better than the first attempt. So in reverse they went only to find a car waiting to get by so rather than just properly correct their course they went back when from whence they came. As soon as the car went past they reversed this time they had made enough of a course correction to get into the parking spot. They kept rolling forward almost hitting a tree in the grass in front of their car. Jenny and I thought that they would be satisfied with that but apparently they couldn't get the doors open to get out. So into reverse the car went for attempt number 5. They parked successfully, and that is when the flashbacks started for me. I imagined they would come to the snow shack shouting profanities at the driver of the blue sedan just like the old man at the high school basketball game. They didn't I was glad because I would hate to be banned from getting a snow cone from the best snow shack in the valley. I could image that is what the owners of the snow shack would do to teach me a lesson in parking. As we left I verified that I had properly parked in my designated area. Wouldn't know it, I was right in there with plenty of room on either side of my car. They however were still on the line making it difficult to not only get myself into the car but Gigi likes a wide girth to climb into her seat. She told me it is because she doesn't like the door to pressure her into hurrying. She doesn't want to pull a hammy while climbing into her seat. Anyway the point is, had this young (gender removed for non-bias reasons) just gone a little bit further into the parking lot he/she would have found several parking spots equidistance from the one he/she so desperately desired. And they were a lot easier to park in with his/her SUV. Also they would have gotten their magical snow cone sooner. I guess it is true what they say, "Good things come to those who wait."</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: I am starting a pool with real prizes, maybe. You guess what day you think BBJ will be born and how big of a baby BBJ will be and the winner will receive something cool from Brenda's basement.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-3291437444802025145?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-41897640720554928232011-08-01T11:39:00.002-07:002011-08-01T11:39:26.470-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.21</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Editors Note: For those of you printing these out every week (Mom) the last letter is really 6.20 not 6.19.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Please be advised that this paragraph does involve some discussion of armpits and armpit products, this warning is for Stephanie and others who do not like the word armpit or moist armpit. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I am always grateful when Jenny gets great deals at the store so I can afford my addiction to candy but every once in awhile she brings stuff home that makes me second guess good deals. Like when she brings home a 50 pound bag of tortilla chips without buying at least 25 pounds of jalapenos. Or the random box after box of instant potatoes. Okay so maybe she has never purchased stuff like that but one item she did purchase gets to me every morning. Since I have been applying deodorant/anti-perspirant I have been using the solid gel kind. It goes on smooth and leaves you fresh. I am not sure but I think there have been studies that show athletes that use this type of deodorant actually run faster. Jenny knows this and for 4 years she has been spot on with what she has brought home and I commend her for it. But a few months ago she came home with the oozing click wheel kind. You know the kind that you click the wheel and the deodorant squishes through the perforated plastic then it gets all clumpy in your armpit hair. I mean some people probably like the feeling of that. It makes them feel alive but it makes me feel weighted down. So I put it in my medicine cabinet thinking okay it is like 4^th in the line so it will be awhile until I have to use it. Wouldn't you know that time has come and I have been fighting through it now for about 3 weeks. I secretly think Jenny is replacing my used one with a brand new so it last longer. Oh the horror that is creamy deodorant. It reminds of the time I switched from the gel form to spray form in middle school because that is what Josh Stansfield used, what a hunk, I mean what a popular guy. So naturally I wanted to fit in but you can't change what your armpits like for anybody regardless of hunkish they are. Hunkish a word, take that Webster, I like Webster as a name put that on the list of possible BBJ names. Let's see where was I? Oh yeah creamy deodorant with the click wheel is on my list of products I don't like to use. Trying to keep things in balance I have to add something to my list of things I like. This morning in a meeting they were discussing the new Living Planer Aquarium that is going to be built in Sandy. The person discussing the new displays mentioned that they are going to have a cool model sewage treatment plant. I then asked, "Will there be any scratch and sniff displays there?" He said, "No." What a shame I thought quietly to myself because I really love scratch and sniff stuff. Now the only scratching and sniff I get to do, come on people get your heads out of there, is in my garden. I love to scratch tomato leaves and smell them. So does anybody know where I can get scratch and sniff swag? Scratch and sniff stickers are on my list of stuff I like.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: What is better, 7 pounds of licorice rope or 7 pounds of Lucky Charms? I need reasons people.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So this morning after I got done applying my fantastic deodorant I thought Jenny looks really comfortable. This is not good on Mondays because she needs to get up and at them. So I decided to snuggle up with her. As you know by now Jenny is pregnant with a little boy (BBJ for now until we come up with a name hence Webster being added to the list, Finley is currently #1 on the list FYI) and as I snuggled up to her I heard in a deeper voice than normal, "Don't lay on me." Instantly what do I think? I think somehow BBJ is controlling Jenny's vocal cords. You know like in Independence Day (the Will Smith classic movie) the alien controls the scientist's vocal cords trying to escape. I am yet to get BBJ to talk again but soon enough I will prove to the world that babies in vitro can control the vocal cords of the host. Because come on, Jenny would never tell me to not lay on her. That is just crazy. And how else do you explain the deep voice?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Also check out the blog for what I consider to be the cutest video on the internet.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-4189764072055492823?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-7741806619593674012011-08-01T08:43:00.002-07:002011-08-01T08:43:40.016-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOG_video_class" id="BLOG_video-eede350902cbdb00" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/get_player"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="flashvars" value="flvurl=http://v7.nonxt7.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id%3Deede350902cbdb00%26itag%3D5%26app%3Dblogger%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1329842286%26sparams%3Did,itag,ip,ipbits,expire%26signature%3D42BF4F5DF28CF6FC3EDE7F9398EBD6BCC717107E.5FC9E1F9B624D595B011444E7CD3019CE3FCBE%26key%3Dck1&amp;iurl=http://video.google.com/ThumbnailServer2?app%3Dblogger%26contentid%3Deede350902cbdb00%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw160%26sigh%3DwiUe-JW4QbqyxF5vQUfVIB9DkXI&amp;autoplay=0&amp;ps=blogger"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/get_player" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"width="320" height="266" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"flashvars="flvurl=http://v7.nonxt7.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id%3Deede350902cbdb00%26itag%3D5%26app%3Dblogger%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1329842286%26sparams%3Did,itag,ip,ipbits,expire%26signature%3D42BF4F5DF28CF6FC3EDE7F9398EBD6BCC717107E.5FC9E1F9B624D595B011444E7CD3019CE3FCBE%26key%3Dck1&iurl=http://video.google.com/ThumbnailServer2?app%3Dblogger%26contentid%3Deede350902cbdb00%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw160%26sigh%3DwiUe-JW4QbqyxF5vQUfVIB9DkXI&autoplay=0&ps=blogger"allowFullScreen="true" /></object></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-774180661959367401?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-4849034487551145852011-07-18T19:57:00.001-07:002011-08-01T10:59:10.070-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 20pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.20</span></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size: small;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size: small;">-Mark Twain</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;">As I sit in my hotel room eating a bowl of noodles with some makeshift chopsticks (A straw from my drink folded in half, always remember to pack a spoon or buy one or something. Don't tell Brenda because she will just tell me about all of the carcinogens I am ingesting.) I can't help but think about the motto of the city that I am in. The motto is "Base Camp to Adventure", I never knew that from Blanding I could do pretty much anything I want to. Well at least adventurous stuff. Well maybe it's not a motto but rather a slogan. The slogan of Murray is "Best Little City in the World." I know that there is some debate about that slogan.&nbsp; I guess a slogan is used to make your product look more appealing. Here are some other enjoyable city/state slogans: (In no particular order, and yes I am watching AFV right now. Don't judge me.) Tremonton, "Industry!" Gunnison, "Progress with Purposes," (Please note that there is a state prison in Gunnison). Tooele, "Dedicated to Quality of Living, Utah's Brightest Star." Helper, "A town of many cultures," Yeah if one is many. Payson, "Come for a day…Stay for a lifetime," due to road construction. Toquerville, "It's the people." I think that is the slogan and the go to answer when the mayor is asked about something pertaining to the city. For example, "So how do you explain the smell?" Answer, "It's the people!" Fairview, "Gateway to Skyline Drive." The last time I went to Skyline I took I-215. Eagle Mountain, "City of the Future, Values of the past." No comment. Green River, "Utah's desert treasure," I think is the slogan of Ray's Tavern and the city just jumped on board. Sterling, "The heart of Utah," where is Sterling again? I went to school with a Sterling and I don't know where he is either. Panguitch, "Where the Unique is Common." So in other words nobody is special Dash from the Incredibles said that. American Fork, "The hub of North Utah County," yikes, queue Happy Gilmore quote, "Mr, Mr, get me out of here." Here are several slogans state slogans from Utah, "This is still the right place," "Greatest snow on Earth," Life elevated," and the one I wish people would quote after saying the news, "Utah! Where ideas connect." In my googling I did find one state slogan that I am going to borrow and use as my own slogan, but not for monetary purposes. The slogan belongs to Alaska, "Beyond your dreams. Within your reach!" Just imagine one day the news paper has me on the cover the headline reads, "Eric Jones Beyond your dreams. Within your reach!" The article would go on to talk about how, after annoying people for several decades Eric finally got Burt Reynolds to read his blog.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;">Trivia Time: What is your city's slogan?</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></span></div><br /><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-484903448755114585?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-90059073819771713962011-07-11T21:49:00.000-07:002011-07-11T21:49:04.203-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.19</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Travel Log Star Date 6/30/2011 to 7/5/2011:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Jenny and I recently embarked on an adventure that took us to gardens, vistas, beaches, cheese factories, chocolate shops, new restaurants, strange places and, yes, even the movies. Did you know that they have movie theaters in other places than Utah? We left SLC on June 30, 2011 via an airplane that landed in sunny Portland. I know you don't associate sun with Portland but it was sunny and 70 the 3 days we were there. Just an FYI Portland's motto is "The City that Works" I don't know what that means. Does it mean the city has water and sewers and stuff or does it mean the people have jobs? We are talking about Portland, Oregon by the way. We landed in Portland in sunny weather rented a car and drove toward the little city on the shores of the Willamette River. Our first stop was dinner, we ate at a little famous restaurant called Montage. It was fantastic, Ashly our gracious host took us there and it was so worth it. Good food for not that much money and if you don't finish for your food they package it in tin foil that looks like something. Jenny got her leftovers in the shape of a cat and Ashly had hers wrapped up like a snail. I didn't have leftovers because the gumbo I ordered was too good to stop eating it. The next day it was off to the beach, Cannon Beach. I like Cannon Beach because I pretend like I just solved a centuries old case of buried treasure like on Goonies. Unfortunately we didn't have enough time to go to Astoria but I would have loved to been in the town where the Goonies rose up against the man to declare their freedom from tyranny and oppression. Maybe I am putting too much into that movie, I don't know. But we did stop at the Tillamook Cheese Factory. If you ever go that way I would put this on your must stop list. I could watch people make cheese all day long. Also you can buy fresh ice cream and it so delicious. The worst part of that day was when we went to go return the car. I had recently drunk about 40 ounces of water and thought it is okay the airport is only 10 minutes away. Boy was I wrong we got stuck in traffic and it took nearly 40 minutes to get to that miserable hell hole. I had to use the restroom so bad I thought about getting out of the car peeing and then running to get back into the car. It could have worked. The next day we went to the Rose Garden I like roses, I do not like to care for roses but they smell nice and they look pretty but boy howdy they are prickly. I also put this on the must see in Portland, thousands of roses that come in any color imaginable. Image a color right now and boom there is a rose there that color. Later that night we went to the movies because Jenny was sickish and wanted to sit and do nothing. I would like to add here that the people of Portland were well behaved in the theater but then again I don't think the majority of the audience in the theater knew what a cellular phone is. The next day we were off to Seattle via train! Trains are fun but if you are traveling in a group smaller than 4 don't sit at a table because then you have to sit by strangers and listen to their mind numbing banter.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: I was a snake. What can be swallowed but also swallow you?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Jenny and I decided that in Seattle we could just use the public transportation system and call it good. It was challenging the entire time we were there because I didn't know which way was north, south or up. Also I didn't know that the buses went in a tunnel. So we waited for a bus to come to a stop but it never did. To quote Kevin Bacon from Tremors, "They are under the ground, repeat they are under the ground." So we made it to our hotel just fine and wanted to go to a famous hot dog place but it was closed and had moved to a secret location for the 4^th of July. I guess we weren't cool enough to make it to the party. Seattle was pretty typical stuff because Jenny had never been there, the Space Needle, the Underground Tour, Pike Place, Gas Works for the fireworks over Lake Union, and Trolls under bridges. I am still yet to see the Stalin statue, one day I will see it. So I am not going to talk about those things rather I would like to talk about our hotel and the people we saw on the bus. Oh also a side note if you go to the University of Washington you need to go check out the world famous herb garden, it was pretty cool and smelt really good. Also nobody was there so it was quiet. Ok so our hotel was the College Inn, a European style hotel that used to be an old dorm for the university. So it has a shared bathroom and no TVs. I thought that the shared bathrooms would be awkward but for the three days that we were there I only had one awkward run in while attempting to shower. But often times we would walk through the halls and see other people staying there and think, "Boy we don't really want to catch them in the bathroom showering." All in all the money we saved and relaxation we gained from not having a TV was well worth it. So let's get to the meat and potatoes. The first day we rode the bus there was this guy and he was talking to some other guy about a comet that can predict terrible events. Jenny and I thought they were friends but it turns out they weren't. The conversation peeked with the skeptic telling the instructor that he didn't believe him. The skeptic said, "I tell you what, let's make a bet if what you say is true then you win and the world ends but if you are wrong you have to sign your property over to me." The instructor didn't agree to that and got off the bus at the next stop. The all-star of the bus was a young lady that had on a yellow t-shirt with the word "Sporks" hand written in black magic marker, rainbow suspenders, cut off shorts and a fancy hat. In her hands there was a bag of bags, this is not a fantastic bag rather it is bag full of bags. The icing on the cake was a Pee-Wee Herman doll that she whispered to and kissed it on the hands and head.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-9005907381977171396?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-57515422241734044672011-06-27T11:26:00.000-07:002011-06-27T11:26:05.285-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.18</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I was thinking about sharing some funny stories about Gigi, well maybe I still will but I was definitely not planning on telling the following story to you all since Jenny was embarrassed when it happened and she will probably be embarrassed again. Really though the people that read this story (my mom and Jenny) just know that I am already a crotchety old man that doesn't like people, so what's the big deal? Every good story has a setting (meaning in order for something to happen it has to happen somewhere), mine is set in a movie theater. Jenny and I had a last minute idea to go and see a movie on a Tuesday night, FYI we saw Super 8 and it was super great except for what I am about to tell you. The movie was starting and we were next to 3 teenager girls. I could pretty much just write end of story right here and everybody would understand. I think the last time a teenage girl sat quite for 2 hours was, I got nothing even a lie is too unbelievable for that statement (I know that this is a gross stereotype there are lots of nice quite teenage girls). So anyway Super 8 is an action packed loud movie but without fail I could hear these 3 girls giggling and talking. Finally at one point in the movie probably some 40 minutes into it (which proves I am getting more tolerant of rude people) I leaned forward and said, "Shhhhhhhhhhh!" I wish I could tell you that the little girls said, "Sorry." But they didn't, they just kept talking about Brad from Stone Cold and how cute his butt looked in those new jeans. So the movie ended and I took that opportunity to extend my gratitude to these delightful children by saying in a calm voice, "I just wanted to thank you for talking during the entire movie." One of the girls said, "Had you asked us nicely we would have stopped talking." What she didn't realize is that Shhhhhhhhhhh was beyond nice coming from me. I retorted and told the girls, "It is common courtesy not to talk during movies." She then quickly stung with, "Well you can just go see it again." It was at this point Jenny could tell things could elevate to the next level so she grabbed my arm and gave it a squeeze. I took a deep breath and away we went. After the movie I told Jenny that I want to own a movie theater and kick people like that out. She told me such a business model does not work. I disagreed with her and now I have a working example of how that business model will work. I <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/money/52063766-79/movie-phone-movies-theater.html.csp?page=1">read in the paper</a> that a theater in Austin Texas will escort talkers/texters/annoying patrons out of the theater. One such experience resulted in a voice message to the theater that has received over 2 million hits. You can listen to it on <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L3eeC2lJZs">YouTube</a> but I will warn you there is poor language (swears and enunciation). Wouldn't it be nice to go to a movie and know that you don't have to listen to anybody talk that isn't getting paid to do so? Shoot I know that if there was a theater in Salt Lake that guaranteed no talking, texting, or other annoyances I would go to that theater. Why do we have to live in a society dominated by the rude and obnoxious? (Please note I am catching a whiff of irony here with my weekly letter but I am courteous to those that ask to be removed from the mailer) NOTE: I omitted the other annoying people in the theater the 20 some odd year olds that kept asking questions about the movie, during the movie and the hunk they were with kept texting. Hunks, who needs 'em?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">For all those that are still reading you can read the 10 commandments for movie audiences. Below they are listed but you can visit the <a href="http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1922953/news/1922953/ten-commandments-for-movie-audiences/">Rotten Tomatoes website</a> to get more details, but I figure you get the gist of it.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 3.75pt; margin-right: 3.75pt; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">1. Set thy phone ringer on silent mode.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">2. Thou shalt not text.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">3. Thou shalt not speak.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">4. Thou shalt not aim laser pointers at the movie screen.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">5. Thou shalt not kick or put thy feet on the seats in front of thee.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">6. Useth the restroom before the movie starts.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">7. Keepeth thy food quiet.</span></strong><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">8. Thou shalt not bring thy children to R-rated movies.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">9. The movie theater is not thy make-out spot.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><strong><span style="border-bottom-color: windowtext; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-left-color: windowtext; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 1pt; border-right-color: windowtext; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 1pt; border-top-color: windowtext; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 1pt; font-weight: normal; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">10. Thou shalt not shoot video whilst in the theater.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> </b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Which of these is the greatest of all the commandments? Respect thy actors and respect thy fellow patrons.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: I was a potato. What am I this week? I have no arms or legs but still eat with a fork.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Now for a little bit of light reading. While sitting on the bench eating popsicles Gigi was looking at the pattern on the back of the bench and she said, "Dad this a triangle." She was pointing a triangle, she then said, "Dad this a square." I was very impressed and told her, "Good job Gigi that is a triangle and a square." I then asked, "Do you see any other shapes on the bench?" She scanned the bench. Pointing to the screw holes I asked her, "Look Gigi, are these circles?" She quickly responded, "Those are circles, good job Dad." It is always a good day when you can make your child proud by knowing your shapes. I can't wait to show her how I can ride a bike all by myself, think of the praise I will get then!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-5751542224173404467?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-76663632955579605802011-06-20T20:12:00.002-07:002011-06-20T20:12:52.753-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.17</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So this past weekend there was yet again another awesome rainstorm that blew through the Salt Lake Valley. I am always happy to wake up to heavy rain. The last statement was not sarcastic; I truly enjoy hearing the rain hit the roof as I walk from my slumber. I knew that they (they being the wise meteorologist that get the weather right 3% of the time) were predicting some rain and snow for the Wasatch front but I had no idea it was going to be that crazy of a storm. Do you want to know who did know about the storm? It was the ants. I was so angry on Saturday when I saw that the ants were out in full force pushing little ant size pieces of dirt onto my driveway. It was only a day later when I saw several hundred of the little guys on the concrete that I thought about how the day before the last storm the ants were out in full force too. So I used my research skills and googled "Ants predicting weather." Come to find that this among many other things can be used to predict the weather just as well if not better than a meteorologist. Here are a few of the items you can look for if you don't want to watch the news.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt;"><span class="apple-style-span">Take a deep</span><span class="apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Breath" title="Breath"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none;">breath</span></a><span class="apple-style-span">.<span style="color: #414141;"> </span>Close your eyes and smell the air.</span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <span class="apple-style-span"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">Plants release their waste in a low pressure atmosphere, generating a smell like compost and indicating an upcoming rain.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">Swamps will release gasses just before a storm because of the lower pressure, which leads to unpleasant smells.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">A proverb says "Flowers smell best just before a rain." Scents are stronger in moist air, associated with rainy weather.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Animals" title="Communicate With Animals"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none;">Observe animals</span></a><span class="apple-style-span">. They are more likely to react to changes in air pressure than we are.</span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <span class="apple-style-span"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">If<span class="apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-a-Bird" title="Identify a Bird"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none;">birds</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>are flying high in the sky, there will probably be fair weather. (Falling air pressure caused by an imminent storm causes discomfort in birds' ears, so they fly low to alleviate it. Large numbers of birds roosting on power lines indicates swiftly falling air pressure.)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">Seagulls tend to stop flying and take refuge at the coast if a storm is coming.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">Animals, especially birds, get very quiet immediately before it rains.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;"><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Draft-Cows-and-Calves-in-the-Paddock" title="Draft Cows and Calves in the Paddock"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none;">Cows</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>will typically lie down before a thunderstorm. They also tend to stay close together if bad weather's on the way.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">Ants build their hills with very steep sides just before a rain.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;"><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Stray-Cats" title="Control Stray Cats"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none;">Cats</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>tend to clean behind their ears before rain.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">Turtles often search for higher ground when a large amount of rain is expected. You will often see them in the road during this period (1 to 2 days before the rain).</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;">A very old wives tale says if birds feed in a storm it will rain for a long time, if they don't it will clear soon.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Other things I have noticed in my life that are indicators of a storm are: If my mom has just washed her car then it will rain within 72 hours. I guess that is the only one I can think of right now. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: I guess New Brunswick as most awesome flag. It is a riddle, a skin have I, more eyes than one. I can be very nice when I am done. What am I?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-7666363295557960580?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-54031463111210680812011-06-13T11:21:00.002-07:002011-06-13T11:21:31.764-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.16<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Today is Flag’s Day Eve; I don’t think that this holiday gets as much street cred as it should. There are some pretty cool flags out there and there are some not so cool flags out there. The 50 states of these United States have very unique flags that try to represent what their state stood for when the flag was created. I am sure that if they could make new flags they would probably look a little different. Mostly I just want Utah to make a new cooler flag. They could do something unique like Ohio and not have the flag be a rectangle. Maybe Utah should adopt a circle flag to show that we are an eternal state no beginning or end, well just forget about 1896 and let’s say there was no beginning. There are some pretty funny flags when you look at all of them together and you wonder how they came up with that flag. For example Alabama adopted its flag in 1895 and is a simple white background with a large red X on it then five years later Florida adopted its flag, plain white background with a large red X on it and a little seal of sorts. I like to imagine that the Florida flag people were like, “Uh the federal government says we need a state flag.” So they got a committee together to decide what the flag should be. They came up with a simple flag, white with a red X on it. When they submitted it the feds said, “This is Alabama’s flag try again.” So they went back to Florida made the stripes a little bit bigger and put a seal on it, then sent it back. The feds just said fine that will work. So here are my top five favorite state flags: (Click on the link to see the flag and find out about the meaning of the flag) PS if anybody ever finds a T-shirt of any of these state flags I wear a large or a medium and I will gladly pay you back if you buy me one.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">5. <a href="http://www.50states.com/flag/nmflag.htm">New Mexico</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">4. <a href="http://www.50states.com/flag/waflag.htm">Washington</a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">3. <a href="http://www.50states.com/flag/mdflag.htm">Maryland</a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">2. <a href="http://www.50states.com/flag/riflag.htm">Rhode Island</a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">1. <a href="http://www.50states.com/flag/scflag.htm">South Carolina</a> (Tied for the oldest adopted flag 1861, which means when you get it right the first time you don’t have to redo anything)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Phew the Heat didn’t win. What is the coolest flag you have seen? I personally am partial to the <a href="http://www3.sympatico.ca/goweezer/canada/flagNB.htm">New Brunswick flag</a>.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">You can’t talk about flags without talking about the American flag I found on the internets some interesting information about the meaning of the United State’s flag.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;">Writers and speakers often attribute meaning to the colors of the flag. But, in truth, the Continental Congress never spoke about what the colors represented. But the red, white, and blue colors included in the Great Seal of the United States, which first appeared 1782, did purportedly represent ideals and beliefs of our Founding Fathers. Their significance was explained by Charles Thompson, Secretary of the Continental Congress, and included in the book "Our Flag," published in 1989.</span></span><span style="color: black;"><br /><span class="apple-style-span">Note that many, many flags around the world use the colors red, white, and blue including the British union jack. Some of the designers of the American flag consciously wanted to connect it with the British flag. The flag of the United States of America consists of 13 equal horizontal stripes of red (top and bottom) alternating with white, with a blue rectangle in the canton bearing 50 small, white, five-pointed stars arranged in nine offset horizontal rows of six stars (top and bottom) alternating with rows of five stars. The 50 stars on the flag represent the 50 U.S. states and the 13 stripes represent the original Thirteen Colonies that rebelled against the British Crown and became the first states in the Union<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black; font-family: &quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br /></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;">America was foundered as a Christian nation. The stripes come from a verse in the Bible in Isaiah 53.5- By his stripes we were healed. This verse is quoted again in 1 Peter 2.24. In the Crucifixion account, Jesus was whipped 39 times, and the wounds appeared in the form of stripes. So the stripes on the American flag also represent Jesus being wounded for us so that we could be free from our sins. Concerning the stars on the flag, there is a verse in Daniel 12 about the righteous shining as the stars. Each of the 13 original states had a destiny to shine as the stars of heaven.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><pre style="text-align: justify;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt;">And of course we can’t leave out the infamous quote about our flag by Nelson Muntz (the bully on the Simpsons, you know the one that says, “Ha, ha”). And I quote, “</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12.0pt;">So burn that flag if you must!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>But before you do, you'd better burn a few other things!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>You'd better burn your shirt and your pants!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>Be sure to burn your TV and car!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>Oh yeah, and don't forget to burn your house! Because none of those things would exist without six red stripes, seven red stripes, and a helluva lot of stars!”<o:p></o:p></span></pre><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-5403146311121068081?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-41624766370297478272011-06-06T11:20:00.002-07:002011-06-06T11:20:54.778-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;</span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.15<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">With the sun coming in full force now, Jenny looked at me and said, “Hey why don’t you start putting on sunscreen when you go outside?” Because of the circumstances I thought the topic of discussion was rather odd but I inquired as to why she wanted me to start putting on sunscreen. We all know how well I <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_r5DLCJvaqzw/SVwIRQiUMII/AAAAAAAAAr4/SRVg6Z629t4/s1600-h/sunburnnoarmpit.jpg">apply sunscreen</a>. She said, “Apart from the reduced risk of skin cancer your skin won’t end up looking leathery when you get old.” So I just wanted to warn all of you that if you don’t wear sunscreen you are probably going to get skin cancer. It says on WebMD that a 40-year old woman that has protected her skin will actually have skin of a 30-year old woman. So being a 28-year old man I probably have the skin of a 35-year old woman, since I haven’t been protecting my skin very well. In fact when I was in Ecuador I don’t ever remember putting on sunscreen once. I guess I figured I was protected by all of the soot and dirt in the air. Anywho I thought that researching this would produce more comical results but it didn’t. Instead I was reminded of the last time I donated blood. I was at home on a Tuesday for car repair crap and I got a phone call from the blood people asking if I could come in and donate blood for a fetus that will have surgery upon being delivered the following Friday. I reluctantly said I would, can anybody say no to a fetus? I know I can’t. So away I went to the blood bank to make a deposit. PS the return on a deposit into the blood bank is really low, unless you need a blood transfusion. When I got there I was asked to fill out some paper work. One of the questions (this is why the above story reminded me of donating blood) on the form asks, “Who is your doctor?” I haven’t been to the doctor for a sickness since I was 18 so I simply wrote WebMD.com. They didn’t complain so I will probably just use that from now on. While they were sucking my blood, I asked them why I was called to save the life of a fetus (I take 90% of the credit even though I have no idea who the baby is or what was wrong with the baby or if the baby even survived). They told me that I was CMV negative, I didn’t know that meant and that I had the right antigens in my blood. I had no idea what that meant either. So I quickly asked them, to sound educated, “What is my <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Midi-chlorian">Midi-chlorian</a> count?” They told me that such a thing doesn’t exist in this galaxy. I told them that I am pretty sure my Midi-chlorian count is relatively high. Not as high as Anakin Skywalker’s but still had my parents tried to get me into Jedi training at a young age I probably would have been accepted. Then <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Mace_Windu">Mace Windu</a> and I could have been friends. PS with Father’s day a couple weeks away I just wanted to let those that are going to buy me Father’s day gift that Star Wars will be out on Blu-ray on September 16 and if you pre-order it you will save $50. Also if you get me that for Father’s day I will keep doing yard work otherwise I will probably just get depressed and grow a beard until I look like <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Qui-Gon_Jinn">Qui-Gon Jinn</a>. Also I realize how childish this is but think about how BBJ and I can bond in the future while watching all 6 episodes of Star Wars in one sitting. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: I tried to do yard work in my Speedo but there are laws against that when you live across the street from a school. If the Heat win the NBA championship what are you going to do? I will probably try and get a Utah Jazz chant going with whoever is in the room with me. I am sure Gigi will participate.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-4162476637029747827?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-73327995959238505292011-05-23T11:21:00.002-07:002011-05-23T11:21:56.253-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;</span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.14<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Well there was a wide range of emotions leading to this past Saturday. One thing that was good is that I got sick on Tuesday. So I worked a half day on Wednesday and went to my parent’s house and played FIFA World Cup Soccer. Then on Thursday I didn’t work and I watched Harry Potter all day long. So I knew that if I was going to die I was going to die having partaken in a few of favorite things. Friday I was supposed to play golf but the rain ruined that so I did my favorite thing and sat around the house with Wife and Child. All in all come Saturday morning I was ready to “jump” (You don’t jump out of the plane the person behind you pushes you out of the plane) out the plane and fall to ground with style (Like Buzz Light-year). I don’t think the experience can be expressed in words all I will say is if you think you are okay with high adventure sports you might not be okay with skydiving. It is unnerving to think about all of the people you have put your life into their hands but then again when you drive on the freeway you trust a lot more people. And the people on the freeways really can’t be called expert drivers at best most drivers are bad at driving. Whereas when you go skydiving with a tandem master you know that, one, the person doesn’t want to die and so they took care in the preparation of their parachute and two they are experts. So if you are ever bored with your existence and want to feel alive then go skydiving or if you have wanted to know what it feels like to have the wind blowing in your face at 110 MPH then go skydiving. Oh there is one more category if you have ever wanted to be securely attached to a young man (Front to Back) then go skydiving. I recommend it to all that want to do it, I felt safe once the parachute opened and new that the harness held up. People ask if I will do it again. To them I answer probably but not for awhile, mostly because it is expensive, but also because it is a math game the more you skydive the more likely you are to die from a skydiving accident. The whole experience, once you get pushed out of the plane, last about 5 minutes. So the breakdown is a minute of freefall (110 MPH or 162 ft/sec) then 4 minutes of glide time (14 MPH or 20 ft/sec). Or if you wanted to look at this way it is roughly $36 a minute to skydive. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: I saw a preview for Cowboys and Aliens and I am pretty excited for it. When will it be warm enough for me to do yard work in my speedo?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I still think the best experience of the weekend was skydiving but on Friday I had the most hilarious experience of the weekend. With a school in our front yard we get a lot bad report cards, poorly drawn pictures and math worksheets (all things kids want to forget). Also we get the occasional kickball. On Friday I was going out to my car to buy some vegetable plants, just in case I died I could still provide sustenance for Jenny and Gigi oh and BBJ. And wouldn’t you know there was a kickball in my driveway so I thought what better way to get this back to the kids then by showing them how I can kick a homerun. The distance was roughly 20 yards and I had to keep it high enough to get over the fence. I stepped up to the “plate” and boom a monster kick went sailing into the air, over the fence the crowd was cheering. Then it happened, wham, the ball slammed into a little girl’s back. Well she wasn’t that little but I am sure the ball stung a little bit I quickly apologized and she started to return back to her class room. I turned to see Jenny in the house; she had seen the whole thing and was laughing hysterically. Boy did I feel bad. I am sure that I have been put on some secret government list now and my house is constantly being monitored by the playground attendants.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-7332799595923850529?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-36981085023508195512011-05-16T11:36:00.002-07:002011-05-16T11:36:10.900-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;</span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.13<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So yesterday as Jenny sat reading the paper and I watching golf I glanced over and saw the <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/opinion/51811692-82/bagley-cartoon-lake-salt.html.csp">Bagley</a> cartoon. There were several people standing with their arms in the air with shirts on that said May 21^st and then there is this “dude” that is asking them if they wanted to bet on that. Jenny and I were both confused at the cartoon. Today I discovered that there are two different sects out there that think the beginning of the end will occur on May 21^st. I don’t know about that but couldn’t have Grandma picked a different day to go sky diving? One sect is claiming that at 6 PM, I don’t know if that is Mountain Daylight Savings Time or if it is Japan Standard Time or possibly some other time, there will be a massive earth quake that will devastate the earth. One group is saying that the elect will be chosen that day and then on October 21^st, once all of the proper paper work has been completed, yes even in the new government there is paper work, the end will happen. So either way as long as the weather is good I will be on my way to an experience of a lifetime. I probably won’t do it more than once. Unless I have to, I don’t know if that will ever happen but it could happen in the future. The future is unpredictable. I look forward to the experience and hope everything goes fantastically. Statistics are in my favor! Also I get to golf for free on Friday so it is going to be a pretty awesome weekend for this guy.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: What is the movie you are looking forward to this summer?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Over the next 6 months my life will change greatly. This past Friday Jenny and I found out that Gigi will have a younger brother to tease and apologize to. Jenny and I very happy to find out that she is carrying a little boy. I have been having thoughts of what this boy will do what he will be and how he will affect this world. Right now his affect on the world is limited to the consumption of Jenny’s energy and some doctor’s visits but soon he will be screaming at this world and trying to control every minute of its time. With the birth of another child Jenny and I can no longer play a 2 on 1 zone defense with Jenny playing the point of the defense and I was just playing back door defense defending the hoop when Gigi slipped around Jenny. Now we will have to spread out and make sure we are rotating properly on our modified man defense. The key to a good defense is proper rotation. If there is one thing that completely destroys a good defense is a lazy defender that doesn’t roll to help on the weak side. Just ask Carlos Boozer about improper rotation on the defensive end of the court. Or you could probably just ask Jenny about poor rotation as she looks at me faking asleep. By the way Gigi has already advanced to the realm of master faker of sleep. When she is supposed to be in bed but we can hear her playing in room we have to check in on her but when we get there she is face down on the bed breathing like she is asleep. She is such a little stinker face. Soon enough she will be able to fake asleep to get out of things like, home teachers visits, yard work, going to the store or anything she doesn’t want to do. I hope that little Boy Jones has the same personality as his vibrant sister. May they giggle together and love one another.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-3698108502350819551?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-18276516978301362922011-05-09T11:14:00.002-07:002011-05-09T11:14:47.824-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;</span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.12<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So this week there will be more billboard observations. While driving I saw a billboard that says you should dial 911 at first sign of a stroke. I don’t know what the first signs of a stroke are so I used Google and found the following. After the signs I will have short examples of when I think you should call 911 and when I think you should just wait it out.</div><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body<o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding<o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes<o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination<o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Sudden, severe headache with no known cause<o:p></o:p></li></ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black;">For bullet #1: You wake up in the middle of the night and you know that you still have an arm or a leg or a face but you can’t feel them you should probably just wait it out. Give it a few minutes before you dial 911. If the numbness persists for a long time then you should dial 911. TIP: Try changing how you were laying in bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black;">#2: If you are at a presentation about nanotechnology and you can’t understand what is being discussed then you should probably just leave the presentation. But if you are the presenter at the same presentation and you can’t understand what you are discussing then you should probably dial 911 because it might me a stroke.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black;">#3: If you were recently crying, either induced from something sad or laughing and your tears are blurring your vision or you can’t see then you should just wait it out. But if you are using heavy machinery and then boom your vision goes you should probably call 911, because that is a double whammy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black;">#4: If you are playing a backyard game that involves spinning around in fast circles you should probably wait it out. But if you are walking to the store and all of sudden you fall to the ground without being pushed, tripping or a bird attacking you it is time to dial 911.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black;">#5: No known cause pretty much ruins my fun. But we could ask if you know what is causing your severe headache why the heck are you doing that?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt: 10.2pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black;">Hopefully these examples have been helpful as you go about your daily routines. I know I will be dialing 911 a lot less now that I understand the difference of good dizzy and bad dizzy. Also I always thought that smelling something burning was a sign of a stroke but that wasn’t on there. So now I guess the burning I smell at lunch time really is somebody burning food and not a stroke so I will put down the phone.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: With the Lakers gone who will be the new NBA Champion? I have been cheering for the Thunder I guess they want me to stop cheering for them.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I just wanted to say that Moms are pretty great and I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have a mom. Well, one thing is for sure I wouldn’t be here. I love mom.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-1827651697830136292?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-60483165590889202682011-05-02T11:26:00.003-07:002011-05-02T11:26:51.214-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.11<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So, today as I sit here I realized another issue that really bothers me about the Jazz not making the playoffs. If they had made it I would be writing my assessment of how the team performed in their opening round slaughter. This could have been either them slaughtering the team or more likely, them getting slaughtered by some team. I bet you the Spurs are kicking themselves now because had they lost 2 of the games to the Jazz during the regular season it would have given them enough confidence to be the 8^th seed in the West and the Spurs would have still been the 1^st seed. Even with the boosted confidence the Jazz would have been unable to beat the Spurs in a 7 game series. Anyway, so instead of writing about the Jazz and their semi-suckessful season I will be writing about something entirely different, but better I think. On May, 21 I will be boarding an airplane and after reaching a certain height (13,000 feet) I will be leaving that airplane. My Grandmother who recently turned a specified age (still young in my book) has decided that she would like to jump out of a plane, with a parachute, I too will being do it with a parachute. We were at dinner and she was commenting on how she is going to do it so I thought it would be fun to do. Also I thought that it was just Grandma being Grandma. But a few days later I got a phone call that said, “I am registering to go skydiving so I need to know if you are serious about this.” I told her I am. What better way to spend your Saturday morning than jumping out of airplane with your Grandmother? There is risk involved in this adventure and here are the statistics I found on the internet. In 2010 there were 56 deaths while skydiving, 23 occurring in North America and 22 of those in U.S. Since 2004 33% of the deaths have occurred while landing. So what does this tell me? Don’t land, don’t run into other people (Collision either canopy or in air is the second most) and don’t jump with an idiot that didn’t pack their parachute right. Other than that it seems like it will be a piece of cake. I figure if birds can do it, why can’t I? Also an interesting fact check shows that over 30,000 people died in car accidents (in the USA) last year. I understand that way more people drive than skydive but I like those odds. The last death in Utah while skydiving was in 2001, it was a plane malfunction over the Great Salt Lake. I am excited and a little nervous about the experience but hey if Danny Sorensen can do it and birds so can I. Also if any of you want to start pooling money together just in case, just set aside a few dollars here and there until the 21^st to give to Jenny, just in case.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Do you think me being bumped by the guy next to me at the RSL game affected the outcome of the game?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">On another subject, it was Gigi’s second birthday this past week and she is such a little stinker face. It was amazing to see how excited a two year old got about her birthday party. From the moment she woke up she was dancing around singing happy birthday to herself. Jenny decided to throw a party with a rainbow theme. She did a wonderful job and everything went according to plan except for the table cloth. Gigi loved every minute of her party except when people were playing with her new toys. You would think that with a dad that just wants to play with her toys all of the time she would be good at sharing but she is not. Thanks to all that came to her birthday she had a wonderful time. She uses all of her gifts well almost all of her gifts the work gloves that the Godfather gave her don’t really fit her yet so I will be using those. Other than that she has used all the gifts at least once. I am so happy that she is who she is, a very stubborn little girl that knows what she likes and does what she likes. Hopefully she will like to be kind to all of her cousins in the future. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6048316559088920268?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-20804171551341558862011-04-25T11:39:00.000-07:002011-04-25T11:39:12.222-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;</span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.10<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So there are moments in my life where I look at what is going on and I think to myself, “Yep things are pretty good and they are almost as I had envisioned them.” The last moment I had like that was just a few Saturdays ago when our little family woke up from our slumber Jenny and I were both too tired to get out of bed so we let little Gigi out of her room and she of course ran into our room to get into bed with us. To keep her from throwing all of our stuff onto the floor I decided to put in a movie. Since the only movies we had in our room at the time were Clue, Ghostbusters and Empire Strikes Back I chose the obvious one of the three and put in the Empire Strikes Back. We started watching it right after Han Solo gets frozen in carbon, this is where I had left off several days before. So there we were, Jenny (partially asleep only waking when Gigi would jump on her) Gigi (intently watching the Empire seek its revenge on the Rebels) myself (Also intently watching that pesky Empire do its thing) Roscoe, (I think he was playing Solitaire or something on the iPad) and Frankie (still curled up under the covers, he is so hard to wake up not even the mystery of who Luke’s father is could get him out of bed) watching the Empire Strikes Back and as I looked at our little family I thought, “I am about 98% sure that I envisioned this when I was 14 years old. The only thing that would have made it better is if we all had Lightsabers and during the fight scenes we tried to re-enact the same scenes. I of course would have been Darth Vader, Jenny would have been Princess Leia, Roscoe would have been Chewbacca, Frankie would have been C-3PO and Gigi would have been R2-D2. We are missing a Luke and Han Solo character I guess we better have more kids so we can make all of my dreams come true. The only other thing that could have made the morning better is if somebody else besides Darth Vader had to make breakfast. I call when we Watch Return of the Jedi that I get to be Jabba the Hutt but not when he goes down just big guy that gets to eat a lot and sit there.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: There were a few votes for the Heat but I still think the Jazz can win this NBA in 2011. How much will RSL win by on Wednesday night?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Does anybody else use the sensor air fresheners? You know they are the ones that you can set so they spray every few minutes. Well Jenny got a bucket full for free or nearly free after she did some couponing and junk. We are onto our second one, the first model was small and the spray didn’t seem to bother me too much but the new model we have makes me feel like I am Frodo entering Mordor. I have to sneak in do my business and sneak out or Sauron will see me and send his Orc armies after me and there is no way me and my pal Sam could defeat an entire Orc army. For those that are unfamiliar with the Lord of the Rings Mordor is where Frodo has to the take the ring to destroy it and there is the all seeing evil eye Sauron waiting there to ensure that he can gain control of the ring. The air freshener (Sauron) also makes a noise like an old man is sneezing, so not only is this sensor the evil overlord Sauron but it sounds like there is an old man in our house sneezing. It is very creepy but on the positive side I have now labeled the rooms in our house based on locations in Middle Earth (Where the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings stories take place). We have of course the bathroom where Sauron is, aka Mordor. We have Jenny’s and mine bedroom I have called one half of it Rohan and the other half where Jenny’s clothes are is Gondor. Gigi’s bedroom of course is the Shire. We have the kitchen aka Rivendell or the elven outpost and the front room is Lothlorien or the fairest elven forest. Everything outside is Fangorn (this is where Treebeard lives). The crawl space is Moria or the vast network of underground tunnels you know where the dwarf people “rule” and then when they try to escape Gandolf the Gray gets taken down by the Balrog duh come on people this is common knowledge stuff here. My neighbor’s yard to the North is where the dead army lives. I just threw that one in there. Also please note that these are not based on geographic location more they are based on sentiment of the on goings inside the rooms.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-2080417155134155886?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-41549470455655813732011-04-18T11:16:00.002-07:002011-04-18T11:16:50.176-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;</span> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<b>&nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.09</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> <div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i>It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i>-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Well that is embarrassing is a phrase that is commonly uttered from my mouth. Sometimes I say it because a person did something like trip and fall or (most frequently) I have done something that other people have seen. This was the case this past Sunday. There were two events that happened both of which can be classified under the tab, that is embarrassing. Well the one is funny up until a point, then it got kind of embarrassing but the comedy factor was still there. With the warming of the temperatures different fruits become more readily accessible, such as grapes. Now if my brain serves me correctly, I told you all about my record breaking grapes in the mouth at one time that I performed last year. Just in case I didn’t, last year I put 37 grapes in my mouth at one time. This destroyed my previous record of 28 grapes. So yesterday I was eating grapes in front of Brittany and I don’t know for sure but it looked like I was grossing her out so I thought, if this is grossing her out eating one grape I should try and eat a lot of grapes in front of her. So I asked, “How many grapes do you think I can put in my mouth at one time?” She answered, “20.” I was shocked and appalled that she would even such a low number. She then quickly said, after seeing my disgust “30, no 40 I mean 50.” I said, “50, now there is a challenge.” And so it began. I came out strong putting roughly 30 grapes in my cheeks and behind my lips. I was comfortable and ready to go for 50. After putting 10 more grapes in my mouth I realized that one grape was stuck in the back of my mouth hitting my uvula. Then the gag reflex started and Mahina started to laugh. If you haven’t heard her laugh it is contagious and I had to really focus to not laugh. Somehow a miracle had happened and the gagging grape had moved so I continued on my journey reaching 45 grapes. Then the laughter really kicked up and I couldn’t contain it anymore, I started to laugh. Spit came shooting out of my mouth all over kids, women and other food. I should have stopped at that point and said 45 is my new record but I pressed forward. After composing myself another grape started to gag me and then I felt it. The stingy sensation of regurgitated tacos had made its way to the back of my throat. I bent over the sink and out came the grapes and what I would consider 1.5 tacos. We all a good laugh and had I not been riding the victory of extending my record to 45, I really would have been embarrassed. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Who do you think will win the NBA Championship this year?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The other story happened after we got home. Jenny went to unlock the door but she couldn’t find her keys. Great, Jenny misplaced her keys again, classic Jenny. She looked through her purse, I looked through her purse, and we both looked through the diaper bag but alas there were no keys. So I called my mom to ask if they had been kicked into the closet or thrown under the couch but they were nowhere to be found. I texted the others that were at my parents hoping that they had accidently picked them up but they didn’t take them either. In the mean time I had gone and searched the car twice and looked around the ground where the keys may have fallen but they weren’t there. So we decided that one of us should drive back to my parent’s house to aide in the search party. We looked in the grass in the front and back yard but we couldn’t see anything so I being frustrated turned back to the car. With flashlight in hand I searched the driver’s side but didn’t see anything. My mom searched the passenger’s side and I saw her look in the center console. I thought to myself, “Silly mom why we would put keys in the center console.” Just then she asked, “Now whose keys are these?” I thought you have to be kidding me they were in the center console. As she handed them to me I asked where she found them she said something worse than the center console she said, “They were on the driver’s seat.” Turns out I had been sitting on them the entire time I was driving. Now that is embarrassing and sad (how do I not feel Jenny’s ten pound keys on my rear-end?), but luckily nobody cool from school was around otherwise I would have been picked on for weeks. You know how kids can be. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-4154947045565581373?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-89126236686209633582011-04-11T11:03:00.002-07:002011-04-11T11:03:21.380-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;</span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.08<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have you ever thought, “Oh man I have just the thing to write about this week,” and then you go to write it and that idea doesn’t come out? So I guess I will have to write about one topic that I know well. As I have mentioned previously Jenny and I live with two dogs, they are kind of like pets but really they are more than pets. They strut around like they own the place. I guess since they spend a lot more time at the house than we do, they do own the place you know under some common law principle. So like every person in this world the Dogs like to have a break and spend a night on the town sniffing stuff and running amuck (I know I love to go downtown and sniff stuff). I had just returned from the Real game and Jenny says to me she says, “Why did you take the wire out of the gate?” Now let me explain this to everybody but Jenny. Our back gate is a strong gate and could withstand the pounding from anything smaller than me but it has a fatal flaw. The latch can be popped open if you bump the gate with the appropriate rhythm and Frankie (the one we thought to be dumb) has figured that rhythm out. It is a lot like the code for Contra but it is on the gate instead of the paddle. So anyway I thought I had fixed the latch turns I didn’t and turns out Frankie noticed that the wire wasn’t in the latch so what does he do? Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A (The actual ‘Contra Code’). For those of you that don’t know what the Contra Code is it is a common code in the Konami games that allows you to cheat to win. I call it the Contra Code because that is where it gained notoriety. Anyway, away they went. So last time we learned that Roscoe and Frankie are actually in a 4-sqaure gang but do to the weather and curfew they went rogue. Jenny drove around with Gigi and checked all of the cool dog hangouts (fire hydrants, other dog houses, and 7-eleven) but they couldn’t see anything so they returned home hoping for the best. By the time I returned it had been 2 hours and the dogs were nowhere to be found. So I put my shoes back on and went out to find the dogs. As I was planning where to drive with other volunteer searchers (my dad who had just dropped me off) the prodigal dogs returned. Why do I say prodigal dogs? Because what we later found out by reading Roscoe’s journal (we are yet to find Frankie’s) is that the dogs had one wild night. Oh you thought a 4-square gang was bad news well I guess that the Great Danes (two of the other members of their 4-square gang the 5^th is a long haired Chihuahua) have been holding Frankie back. Come to find out Frankie carries a switch blade in his collar, he is a lot like Dally from the Outsiders. Based on what we could interpret from Roscoe’s journal entry entitled, “The night I realized Frankie was more wild than domesticated,” it would appear that Jenny just missed the dogs at all of their hangouts. They stopped at the fire hydrant and did what they do best then it was onto the Border collie’s house where they teased him. We all know the Border collie is the nerd of the neighborhood so obedient always doing what is asked of him not like Frankie. Frankie is a renegade and rules can’t hold him back they just give him goals of things he needs to accomplish. That last sentence was supposed to portray Frankie as a dog that looks at rules not as guidelines for safety rather guidelines for things to do. You tell Frankie not to do something and boom before you know it he is doing that very thing. Such a little stinker. Anyway, Frankie and Roscoe ran their little hearts out to the 7-elevan and they really wanted to score some Slurpees but they are dogs and they don’t have money or thumbs to operate the Slurpee machine so instead they just peed on the bushes outside the building. From what we can interpret from a dog’s journal Roscoe started to get cold and didn’t want Jenny to worry too much so he told Frankie it is time to go home. Frankie called him a quitter and said, “If you want to run back to mommy then you go right ahead but I am cool here.” It only took one loud truck to scare Frankie into following Roscoe home. They returned save and sound but Jenny and I were instantly suspicious of what happened that night when we saw the candy cigarettes Frankie had rolled in his sleeve.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Well we can call the Jazz season a success because they beat the Lakers in LA. What a bunch of jerks (The Lakers). This week’s question is based on the weather here it would appear that Hell has frozen over, so why aren’t Jazz winning the Championship this year?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-8912623668620963358?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-13650793152525771982011-04-04T11:24:00.002-07:002011-04-04T11:24:25.191-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;</span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.07<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">At what point do you realize you are too competitive? And at what point does your body tell you, “Hey idiot quit doing what you are doing because you are too old.” I am here to tell you that I have found my breaking point for both of those questions. Oddly enough they both happened yesterday. Sunday evening dinner at my parents usually excites laughter from our family and other boisterous behavior. Yesterday was no different, it all started when I performed the funnel and button practical joke on my brother. That is where you (prankster) puts a funnel in your pants and button or coin on your forehead. Then you look down and the button falls into the funnel. The hardest part of the trick usually is to get somebody else to try it out. Once you get somebody to do it this is what happens. As they are looking up with the button on their head you pour water or some liquid into the funnel. Oh the classiness of this joke. From that joke we moved to Leg wrestling (I won), and Stand-up arm wrestling (Brady won). It then turned into the stick pull game which quickly deteriorated into some game my dad would play as a kid after stick ball got boring. In his game you attempted to dislocate your shoulder or elbow in order to take a stick between your legs and around your back without letting go of stick. I am super sore from all of those activities. So my body is too old to play those games without properly warming up first. The point when I realized I am too competitive came in the last game we played. The game is called Ol’ Bag Pick Up, I just made that up. The game is played by taking a large brown paper bag and while balancing on one foot you have to bend over and pick up the bag with your mouth. Everybody did a pretty good job for the state or condition they were in at the time. The final four competitors were Parker (6-years old and closest to the ground), Payton (9-years old and second closest to ground), Jenny (between 10 and 30 years old and third closest), and me (28, chubby, not flexible and furthest from the ground). Distance from the ground is determined by mouth to ground height. The bag was about 6 inches tall and I knew that if I got it at that height I could consider myself a winner. But that wasn’t enough I wanted to be the best at the Ol’ Bag Pick Up. So what did I start to do I started to trash talk my 6-year and 9-year old nephews. The trash talk didn’t work and in the end it didn’t matter because Jenny was crowned grand champion of the Jones family. She, on one foot, bent over and picked up the bag when it was only 4 or so inches high. After we got home she bragged even more by saying, “Oh, what’s that you want my slipper?” So on one foot she bent over and picked up her slipper with her mouth and handed it to me. It is good thing I already realized that trash talking elementary school kids is my limit otherwise I probably would have shut the bathroom door and yelled profanities for several minutes. I guess I can let Jenny be better at that one thing. It can be the thing that she says when we she wants something like, (Jenny talking) “Hey Eric remember when I bent over picked up my slipper with my mouth while standing on one foot?” I of course will acknowledge because who wouldn’t be impressed with that? She would then say, “Go get my drink, my book and something to snack on while I read.” I will have to do it because come on she bent over and picked up her slipper with her teeth while balancing on one foot.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: For those of you that guessed we are going to get a little bit of rain and a lot of snow then you were correct for those of you that wanted the sun to stay sorry I guess you have go back to cold weather songs on your ipods or whatever it is you kids listen to now of days. I for one switched over to my upbeat spring songs but driving to work today it just didn’t seem right so I went back to a mellower playlist. This week’s question is when will the next Jazz win occur? If you want to, you can just say a year like 2012 (This of course assumes a lock-out will occur this year in NBA or maybe not). </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I just want to say one thing. If Butler wins tonight I will be having a pizza party at my house in their honor and you are all welcome to come and enjoy some victory pizza. Supplies are limited. Also I am not going to tell you when it is so you will have to show up and hope that it is at that time or you could call first.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-1365079315252577198?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-83792785169188741692011-03-28T11:43:00.002-07:002011-03-28T11:43:22.854-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;</span>Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.06<o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<o:p></o:p></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Well another NCAA Tournament is coming to a close and it was another year of busted brackets and gut wrenching yelling at the TV for some young punk to make a miracle shot to help my bracket. All I can say is WTH Duke? How do you take a double digit lead into half and lose the game by double digits? I thought only the Jazz were capable of such a travesty. For those of you that are playing in the Doritos bracket I tried once again to get a corporate sponsor to make the pot a little sweeter. I sent the following letter to the Frito-Lay Corporation. “First I would like to say thank you for bringing the Taco flavor back from what I thought to be early retirement. Secondly, I would like to make mention of a very successful NCAA tournament bracket I have been running for nearly a decade now. The bracket is called the Doritos bracket. This is because I love Doritos and wanted the bracket to be about something cooler than money. What is cooler than money? Doritos are, duh. The winner of the bracket receives a bag of Doritos from each of the other participants. Every year that I manage the bracket the numbers have increased. It is still a small bracket but if I could somehow sweeten the winnings then I could increase my numbers even more. Is there any way you can help me with this? You could send a coupon for discounted Doritos or free Doritos. Think about it me running the bracket is like free advertising, not like you guys need it because Doritos do their own talking (in flavorful form).” I am yet to hear back from them. I am sure that one of two things will happen. They will read the letter and say, “Good try.” Then send me a general response saying that they don’t do that. The other scenario is the Frito-Lay people read the letter and say, “Oh, well isn’t that sweet a 9 year old boy with poor grammar and spelling skills runs a fun little Doritos bracket with his little neighborhood friends.” Then they send me a general response saying they that don’t do that but they are proud of my efforts. Either way I will probably just receive the general form letter like I always do. I will fight for you and the Doritos bracket. If you vote me back in as the manager of the bracket next year then I will do everything I can to make sure the winner is well compensated for their guessing abilities. I don’t care who wins the whole tournament by the way just as long as it is not UCONN or Kentucky. Give those other kids a chance to win.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: I regret to inform you that I didn’t make it to DWK2 this past weekend because Jenny didn’t want to go and let’s face it a happy Jenny is way better than my gut hurting from laughter. How much more rain will get this week? (Ask Jill Margetts if you need a tip. Jill does the weather for channel 2 news on the weekends and I went to school with her. It is funny to see somebody you know do the weather. Also I blame her every time they get the weather wrong which is frequently.)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">WARNING THIS SECTION CONTAINS POTTY TALK:<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I once read a perplexing question that made me think about my upcoming life. The question was, “Why is it so exciting when your child goes number 2 on the toilet?” This past weekend Jenny and I were able to partake in that excitement. We are not actively potty training but we do have the toilet already for Gigi anytime she wants to sit on the toilet like a big girl. On Saturday I came in from outside only to find Jenny asleep on the couch and Gigi was hidden. I didn’t know where she could be I called her name and looked everywhere. Jenny just kept saying she was in the kitchen but I couldn’t see her. She had hidden herself in the pantry. When I took her out of there she started freaking out saying, “I poopy.” So naturally I took her into bedroom to change her diaper but when I got down to it there was no poop but I could see that she was trying to, you know, poop. So I took her to the bathroom put her on the toilet and so began the battle. She screamed, she cried, she grunted, she stomped her feet on the ground and she bore down. Oh about 5 or so minutes later we heard it. She jumped up in excitement because Jenny and I practically gave her a standing ovation for her performance. When we looked at what had happened we saw a ball the size of a golf ball sitting in the toilet. Poor little lamb had to, you know, poop that golf ball. So in her excitement she ran around the kitchen for a little while and she had to tell somebody about her story and there was Frankie. I wish I had it on film because she said the following to our dog, “Frankie, I poop.” Then she acted out sitting on the toilet and her grunting. Then she stood up and looked back and cheered. It was at the point that I realized, once again, the value of a good BM, such a relief.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-8379278516918874169?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-2690206519732240932011-03-21T11:50:00.000-07:002011-03-21T11:50:28.968-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.05</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">This time last week I was finishing up a hilarious round golf in San George (That is St. George translated from Spanish to English). That day the weather was good and other days the weather was okay. Count your blessings that you didn't go to San George thinking you were going to catch some rays and come back bronze and rested. I left on a Sunday and returned on another Sunday it is amazing how a week flies by when you have a whole bunch of stuff planned to do. Yet again driving to and from San George I encountered morons and Mormons (mostly morons that probably were Mormons) that somehow passed their driving tests. But I don't think that topic needs to be discussed again rather I would like to talk about these billboards that are up and down I-15 claiming something that I think is absurd at best. The signs make reference to a man from the 19^th that made a discovery that by any means is not billboard worthy. The discovery would be like a man from today going to the Rockies and finding a massive mountain that is near an established people and saying that he discovered the mountain. Anywho the Utah version of this is Jim Bridger, who is a fantastic person and did wonders for exploration and "discovery" (probably better to call it re-discovery) of great Western treasures. Like the great Western treasure that resides here in Utah. The Great Salt Lake is a terminal water body that was used (by used I mean discovered but nobody has a billboard claiming it) centuries prior to birth of Jim Bridger. If I had enough money, which I don't, I would put up billboards next the Jim Bridger ones that said something like, "No he didn't" or "Somebody else discovered the Great Salt Lake in year 12" or "Jim Bridger Re-Discovered the Great Salt Lake." I think that would get the point across that there were people here long before the Jim Bridger. I am sure that Jim being a man of the wild is not the one taking credit for the discovery it is probably some non-profit organization that had some extra money left over and said, "We don't want to have to give money back or claim errant information on our taxes so let's put some billboards up." Then somebody asked, "What should the billboards say?" That question generated the following (potentially), "Oh you know something about somebody dead that discovered something important." Then that person went home and using his/hers 3^rd grade kid's report about the West saw that Jim Bridger discovered the Great Salt Lake. Come to find out the 3^rd grade kid didn't do a lot of fact checking but instead was playing Everquest with an online friend that may or may not be 10 years old. By the time the people realized their mistake it was too late but everything worked out on their taxes so they could still keep their non-profit status. The moral of the story is always eat your vegetables and get lots of rest because you never know when you are going to be making billboards that have errant data on them. But let us tip our hats to Jim Bridger and the Re-discovery of the Great Salt Lake.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: How many times are you going to see DWK2 this weekend? If you don't know what DWK2 is google it and enjoy.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So does anybody else's bracket look like something ran over it with a bulldozer and then lit it on fire and then threw it off a cliff and then let their dog chew on it for awhile? Because that is what mine looks like. I have just been wondering how I could have fallen into the Big East love affair again this year? Every year I say oh yeah the Big East is good they are going to do awesome. But alas they did not do good and they are not awesome in fact they are the opposite of awesome and probably should be eliminated from tournament play next year just to save me the stress of having to decide between them and some school I have never heard of. Well here is to hoping that Duke wins it all. Wait did I just say cheer for Duke. Oh man where have my morals gone?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-269020651973224093?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-84601301739578937692011-03-07T23:59:00.001-07:002011-03-21T11:50:15.286-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.04</span></strong><em>It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt<br />-Mark Twain</em>&nbsp;</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span>&nbsp; <br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;">I often wonder what it takes to write the perfect song or the perfect story or tell the perfect joke. The issue is my thought of what "perfect" is not the same as another person's idea of "perfect". So I guess much like high school elections popularity determines what is "perfect." The thing is I am yet to find what I consider to be a perfect song, story, or joke but I have found several things in this world I think are perfect but do to popularity my idea of "perfection" or near perfection has been canceled, completed, discontinued or destroyed. Only a few things that I consider to be perfect have not gone away these things are people and I think you know who you are if you are reading this. Some of you can't read it but maybe somebody will read it to you. So I thought I would share with you the things I feel are close to perfect that are either gone by the wayside or hanging on by a thread. This will be kind of fun for me it will be like Oprah's favorite things except the stock value of the items I mention won't double in value over night. They might even drop a little bit. I will start with some of my "perfect" items that are still holding on. First is Fringe at first I thought the show was a bore and your typical "Murder She Wrote" show (which is one of Jenny's perfect things) but it is not. It has mind contorting plot twist and fun character developments that will make you say, "Umm." Oh not to mention that there is an alternate universe, so you gotta like that. What is next? Snow, I mean come on groundhog get it right one of these day but I love the snow and think that snow storms are perfect. Uh this one will never go away but I think walking outside is pretty awesome. I walked to the dentist office today with Gigi and it was a magical experience. She pointed out every bird, every tree, every patch of grass almost every rock and a lot of cars and trucks. Do you know how many of those things there are from our house to the dentist office? There are like 6,045. What about some of my perfect things that have gone away for what seems to be forever. Did anyone else partake in the single packets of peanut butter? Do they still make those? I just remember opening a package from America (aka my mom) while I was standing on an extremely hot and humid street corner and a box of individually wrapped peanut butter tubes fell into my hands. It was like angels singing from on high. The first moment I got I sat down with my peanut butter tubes and turned into Gollum. Let's see what else is gone? I don't know how much ridicule I am going to get for this but when I was kid they came out with Crystal Pepsi. Nothing wrong with that. It was cool because you were drinking the hard stuff but it is like you were drinking water. Genius. Did somebody win the Noble Prize for that? The only other soda break through that was better yet was again on a hot street corner south of the equator. With a ban on brown cola including the Dew I was at a loss for my fix of the sweet nectar when another potential Noble Prize winner came out with blue Pepsi. I think the good book says, "Ask and you shall receive." I am not saying I asked for it but I am just saying it happened. Due to me leaving the area that too has gone away. Let's see the last thing I want to point out is something that hasn't happened yet but I am sure will happen in about a decade or so. I remember as a teenager my mom would always try and get a hug from me and I being an ornery teenager would usually deny. Now that I have a little rat of my own I understand the withdrawals she must have been experiencing those rough teenage years. I am sure there will come a time when Gigi no longer wants to hug her dad every time she goes to bed and that my friends will be the end of what I consider to be one of the most perfect things in the world.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"></span></span><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Trivia Time:&nbsp;Who would win in a&nbsp;fight&nbsp;Batman or Captian&nbsp;American?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Have a good week I know I will</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Eric Jones</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/</a></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">This message was approved by Eric Jones</div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-8460130173957893769?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-68250511481971508222011-02-28T12:16:00.000-07:002011-02-28T12:16:17.129-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.03</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">It seems right now that everybody is making money off of the crazies we call celebrities aka cele"braties" so I figure why shouldn't I make some money off of the crazies as well. I just want to first say that it is not funny to make funny of crazy people unless they are so crazy it makes you giggle every time they say something. Because in my opinion there are a few types of crazies. There are the yeah buddy did you forget that what is going on in your head isn't really happening crazy (delusional) most high school students fit into this category but due to over population of the loony bins they are forced into the public education system. Let's see another type of crazy is the type that wants to burn, stab or destroy everything (maniac) again a good portion of high school students fit into this category. Then there is the fun crazy people that it doesn't matter what they say or how they say it, it always seems to come out funny (Charlie Sheen crazy). I wish more high school kids fit into this category but alas like my grandma may or may not have always said, "You can crap in one hand and wish in the other and you'll see which one fills up faster." So Charlie Sheen did an interview recently and he stated several items about himself that made me giggle and I thought I would hit the highlights so you all don't have to waste your time with it. You just have to waste your time with this instead. The first highlight is a statement made by Charlie saying he should get $3 million rather than his usual $2 million per episode because of his physiological distress. I would love it if this happened in real life. I think it would be hilarious to see anybody at a typical American office just start acting crazy doing funny things and then demand a raise because of their physiological distress. The funny thing is I could actually see a couple of people in my office try and pull a stunt like that. What would the Governor do? (Because Governor would get involved with something like that for some reason I don't know what) I am pretty sure the Governor would give into that person's demands because what choice does he have? It is not like everybody is replaceable. Secretly I hope CBS gives into his demand of more money due to physiological distress because that opens the door to some of the ideas I have to get a raise (none of the ideas involve hard work and some of them involve fake rapid animals). Charlie Sheen said, "<span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;">Everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back. And I'm just going to forewarn them that it's everyone else who's going to be begging me for their job back. Come Wednesday morning, they're going to rename it Charlie Bros., not Warner Bros." I don't have any follow up statements for that because it is already in its purest form and there is nothing to be added to or taken away from it. When asked about how he overcame his drug problems he said this, "I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind," when asked how he cured himself of his addictions he said, "I had to unload 22 years of fiction and just decided I don't believe that anymore." He described "fiction" as, "The fiction of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). It's a silly book written by a broken-down fool who is a plagiarist." I like this it gives hope to the hopeless. The final highlight I wanted to point out is the following quote that I have been trying to fit into my life. Mr. Sheen (that is what they are calling him at Warner Bros. right now so he doesn't fire everybody after he takes over the company) said, "I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA." This is totally awesome if you had to guess what type of animal blood and mythical DNA you had what would be? I think I would have raccoon blood and Pegasus DNA or potentially badger blood and Hephaestus DNA. I think the later is more accurate because the information I found on Hephaestus says that He is the only god to be physically ugly and He is also lame. It seemed funny so that is why I picked it. Also why would you create a God like that? So the moral of this week's letter is don't do drugs oh and don't be crazy. If you can avoid those two things everything else will be as easy as breathing. &nbsp;</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: "What is worse? Going to a restaurant and ordering your favorite steak and when you're almost done with it you realize there is a scabby band aid under it or being struck by lightning?" What movie is this from?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Jenny said that nobody would take Grover Cleveland serious as the best President of United States because I said he was but if you do a little research you will find that we could use somebody like Grover running the show right now. <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/grovercleveland24">See for yourself</a>.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6825051148197150822?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-55763267390530583912011-02-21T11:00:00.000-07:002011-02-21T11:00:10.243-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.02</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">In my life I have liked many things and hated many more things and as I watch the Gigi grow up I often think about why it is she likes certain things and doesn't like other things. So as we try and expand her realm of likes and diminish her dislike category we can ponder how her perception of (insert noun) will change as she progresses through life. In an attempt to comprehend how this works I have been searching through my life experience folders and replaying many of my life's experiences over and over. Throughout this process I keep running into the tuna fish sandwich. When I was young lad I would usually eat a tuna fish sandwich for lunch with lettuce and pickles I loved it. I also remember getting a Hawaiian Punch and some other sort of candy, no wonder I couldn't sit still in my classes after lunch. Anyway I ate lunch, my tuna fish sandwich and other assorted goods, at the end of the lunch table next to friends. I don't know who it was but the next thing I remember was vomit all over the table all over my sandwich, all over my drink and lunch bag. That lunch was ruined and the tuna fish sandwich was ruined as well I didn't eat another one for several years after that. I have started eating them again but it is still a mental chore to eat such a sandwich and no way am I putting a pickle on there. I don't think that this experience changed my perception of pickles I think that changed after some mouth surgery I had. Also probably like most people I can't tolerate vomit all over anything. Vomit belongs in one of two places the toilet, or in the woods were nobody will ever see it or the garbage can okay maybe three places. I would like to say that I have truly graduated into the realm of parenthood because this past weekend as I sat in the chair opposite of Gigi and she was finally eating some solid foods, (She has been sick since Thursday) grapes and they looked delicious. She started coughing and I looked at her and thought, "Oh no this is not going to happen." Then, she blew, what was on the inside came out to say hello I didn't want it to get all over everything so I caught it with my hands then realizing that was the worst idea ever, I used her grape container. Then there was the break in the throw up so I picked her up and ran to the bathroom yelling for Jenny because if there is something she is better at than me is anything vomit related. We made it to the bathroom without any more throw up but she was still making the throw up noise so I took her to the toilet. Turns out that the throwing up in the toilet is not a natural instinct and Gigi just sat and wondered why I was putting her head in the toilet. The worst part I forgot to hold the seat up and whack! Her hand didn't stand a chance smashed by the toilet seat what a terrible first experience with throwing up in the toilet now she is never going to want to put her head in the toilet again. What have I done, oh and then I started to dry heave then Jenny who just joined the madness also started to dry heave. All we needed some smart mouth older brother there saying something like, "I haven't seen this much vomit since Mrs Johnson brought rotten deviled eggs for an afternoon snack," and we would have had ourselves a hilarious sitcom with attitude. The point is there are so many things factor into why I don't like the Jazz right now but the most important being the vomit they call basketball I am forced to watch. Oh and Gigi still likes grapes so maybe vomit doesn't ruin everything just tuna fish sandwiches.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Who was the best President of the United States? I am going to vote for Grover Cleveland.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-5576326739053058391?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-45213063754526395582011-02-14T12:31:00.000-07:002011-02-14T12:31:32.913-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 6.01</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">What could be more appropriate than a newsletter on the day of love? Here are a few things I think are more appropriate: <s>Dogs on leashes</s>, <s>Sportscenter</s>, Candy in the shape of hearts, hugs and kisses, romantic poems, candle light dinners (unless your power is out or the person that reads the blog in Moscow if you don't have power, I understand that if a person in Moscow reads the blog then they must have power or a library card. Do they have a library system like ours in Moscow?…[20 minutes of Google] turns out they don't have a library system like ours [United States] but they do have cyber cafés. Okay to be honest I didn't spend 20 minutes on Google I just assumed Moscow is like Ecuador and they have Cyber cafés. Okay back to the list of things that are appropriate on Valentine's Day.) Troll Valentine's Cards,&nbsp; Those Valentine Boxes that elementary school kids make (those things were pretty cool really I mostly liked to make the box and didn't particularly care about the Valentines unless there was candy in them then they were more awesome than the most awesome box). I just had a thought; there are certain things I am really going to love about Gigi getting older and one of those things is the Valentine's boxes. Then I thought I will probably also enjoy helping her with all of her homework, because it will be easy and I will be able to do it way better than any of those kids. Finally I will be top of the class (evil laughter). I guess Valentine's Day (aka My Birthday's Eve also a celebrated holiday in several of the World's smaller countries) is a pretty cool one and even though you have to spend money on the day before my birthday. I just don't think I completely thought it through when I decided to vacate the womb some 28 years ago. I remember thinking to myself (inside the womb mind you) that things were getting kind of cramped and if this is the kind of food I am getting in here just image what the food would be like on the outside. You might laugh but I remember that very distinctly either that or I am confusing the womb with the bathtub I used as a little kid. That raises a lot of other questions like what was eating in the bathtub that inspired me to get out? Hopefully it was just a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S47JunGRS2c">Baby Ruth</a>. I guess the point I am trying to make is if you don't like this holiday then stop calling it Valentine's Day and call it Ericmas Eve (Please note if I get sick after sending this newsletter then you know never to call the day before your birthday <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">YourName</i>mas Eve). Well I just want to finish by saying that this has already been the best Valentine's Day ever. When I got out of the shower little stinker was there and she said, "Morning!" Then she did a happy feet dance followed by a big hug and a kiss. When we asked her to say, "Happy Valentine's Day" she said, "Happy Valentnadnaday!" Followed by, "I want chocolate milk, you want chocolate milk, Okay." Yes our daughter has learned that through cuteness she can pretty much get anything she wants and what is cuter than a one-year old that has a conversation with herself about getting chocolate milk? So from my daughter to all of you guys "Happy Valentnadnaday!" probably the best holiday on the 14^th of February (it narrowly beats out Ericmas Eve). </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Will the Jazz make the playoffs?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-4521306375452639558?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-51707426005767712392011-02-10T15:19:00.000-07:002011-02-10T15:19:51.810-07:00<div>Hello fellow employees,</DIV><div>&nbsp;</DIV><div>By now I can only assume that you have heard the news, our beloved Jerry Sloan has decided to resign as the head coach of the Utah Jazz. I do not have any power do this but if you feel so inclined to go home early please do so. It will be better that you head home&nbsp;now while the shock of the news is driving your bodily functions. Take a few hours to yourself and come back on Monday ready to get to work in true Jerry Sloan fashion. I thought it appropriate to include some statistics about Coach Sloan at this time.</DIV><div>&nbsp;</DIV><div>Jerry Sloan as a coach:&nbsp;&nbsp; Wins&nbsp;&nbsp; Loses</DIV><div>Chicago Bulls 1979-1982&nbsp; 94&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 121</DIV><div>Utah Jazz 1988-2011&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 1127&nbsp;&nbsp; 682</DIV><div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Total&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 1221&nbsp; 803</DIV><div>&nbsp;</DIV><div>It was a pretty amazing career. If you need a hug don't come to me but you could probably hug somebody around here. Keep your head up we will pull out of this together. Again I repeat if you need to you can take the remainder of the day off. (I have no authority to authorize the use of leave)</DIV><div>&nbsp;</DIV><div>Thanks,</DIV><div>&nbsp;</DIV><div>Eric Jones</DIV><div>&nbsp;</DIV><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-5170742600576771239?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-19481436093749224062011-02-07T15:31:00.001-07:002011-02-07T15:31:40.320-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.52</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">***<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Editors note: Last week I stated, "Vardell sleeps with a dog." This was in reference to their dog Barkley. I did not call my mother-in-law a dog. I hope this stops any confusion that may have occurred.</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">You know that song in the musical Les Miserable? You know, "One Day More"? Yeah, that song. Well, I am at a point right now with this beard where it is a lot like that song. Except it is not a day it is a week. So it is like one week more till beard revolution. Oh what a glorious day it will be when I start shaving again. When asked why I grow the beard, because I usually tell people it is a thorn in my side, I tell them that it is always important to set goals and accomplish those goals. Also I hate to shave so it is a win win until the beard gets to this point where it has a mind of its own. I am almost certain that while I sleep, my beard is out partying. Because when I wake up my beard has apparently been drinking and possibly doing drugs because it feels terrible. I don't know how bearded men or women do it. Sometimes, in the morning, I find random things in my beard like drug paraphernalia. Can you just image my little beard out there in the cold trying to get his next fix? He (I am assuming my beard is a male since I am a male and since it is a beard. I guess it could be a unisex drone) sprouts little beard legs and jumps down from the bed somehow gets out the front door catches the midnight train downtown scores some alcohol and drugs from Crazy Willy at the Tesoro and hurries home in a drunken state (Side note: I am not picturing the beard detaching itself from my face I am picturing the beard dragging me around where ever it goes because I drag it around where ever I go all day long). You have to ask yourself, "Where does he get money?" The 2011 birthday beard has been very enlightening this year. As I think about other people with beards I am constantly caught up in thought with Vincent Van Gogh because I think they got it wrong. He didn't cut off his ear in the name of love he did it because he was so sick and tired of his beard that he was shaving in anger. There are several things you don't want to do in anger; shaving is like number 8 on the list. Combine that with poor shaving equipment and you have a recipe for disaster (Not a Guns N Roses album). You get body parts falling off, you get loss of blood, and you get danger with a capital D. The point is, as much as I love to look cruddy with a sad thin beard I am always the most happy when it goes away for a year. Who knows maybe this will be the last beard for Eric Jones, on this planet.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Who will win the next Super Bowl? (If there ever is a next Super Bowl)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">With my birthday coming up it is high time I tell you all what it is I want for my birthday. I have decided to omit the fact that I just want the Jazz to play better and quit playing like a bunch of idiots. Therefore this birthday list will be full of real items that may be purchased at a store or accomplished with a little effort on your part. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span>A glove that acts like a keyboard so I can air type. Think about it gloves that I put on and just type all day long in the air. This will help with my elbows from getting soar by resting on the desk all day.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span>Jean overalls that are shorts. I got a pair of these for my 8^th birthday so let's celebrate the 20 year anniversary of that gift in style.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span>A parking spot just for me at my office.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span>A zip line that connects my office building to that specified parking spot.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span>To be faster at everything, not just running but stuff like eating and reading and sleeping. Yeah I wish I could sleep faster that way I could do more cool stuff like air type on a computer (Pending the reception of typing gloves).</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span>I want a USB port inserted into my brain that allows me to quickly learn anything in the world. Like how to fight like a black belt ninja or how to make an afghan. Not just any afghan one of those fancy Vanna White Afghans.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span>Last but not least I want Frankie to quit being so nosey, he is always asking me where are you going what are you doing and why aren't you doing it with me? Get a life Frankie I can't take you through this existence by the paw at some point you have to man up and do something for yourself. Also the fact that I have to waste a birthday gift on this is absurd and makes me upset.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-1948143609374922406?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-17555891503431363472011-01-31T12:24:00.002-07:002011-01-31T12:24:53.672-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<b> &nbsp; <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">&nbsp;&nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.51</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i>It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i>-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Every time I hear something that is crazy it is important to me that I investigate said piece of information to verify the validity of the data. I have found in the past that often times when people hear information and buy into it they are the one that ends up with egg all over their face. I have been the victim of this several times. One such piece of information that I have told several hundred people is that Mark Eaton leads the NBA in all time 3-point shooting percentage with an amazing 100%. This fact, although very believable because maybe he took a last second shot from behind the arch and made it, is not true. Then he never shot one again. Turns out that he has taken two shots from behind the 3-point line and he didn't make either of them. To all of you that have heard me say this "factual" information I am sorry for getting your hopes up. I fear that I made Mark Eaton's career more illustrious than it really was. Anywho I digress, yet again. Jenny came home this past week and she told me that the <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/life/columnist/finalword/2011-01-26-final26_ST_N.htm">USA Today</a> recently put out a report that stated people that have their pets sleep in the same bed as them are more susceptible to the plague. Immediately I thought the plague huh? I am pretty sure Roscoe and Frankie don't have the plague. But when we started talking about it Frankie started to slink out of the room with a <a href="http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/bindle">bindle</a> on his back screaming my cover is blown abort the mission, Plague 2011. Frankie is such a jerk it is always the one don't suspect I am pretty sure Roscoe could be a member of a secret society that is attempting to bring back the plague. So anyway the researchers at UC-Davis (hippies) stated that animals could be infected by fleas that used to reside on rodents but have retired to a more serene life on the back of a house pet. In my investigation of the plague, which I thought was abolished when the bathtub really took off, I have found some interesting information and I think you should all be warned about what could happen if you are not careful. So wake up people. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">From the mouth of the Center of Disease Control:</div><span style="color: black;">INCIDENCE</span><span style="color: black;"></span><br /><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">In the U.S., 1 to 40 cases reported annually (avg = 13 cases) by western states</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Worldwide, 2861 cases reported by 10 countries to WHO in 1995 (1,000 to 2,000 cases reported annually) (If you have time you should do the math on this and get the percentages of people that get the plague, I don't you want to play those odds)</li></ul><span style="color: black;">SEQUELAE</span><span style="color: black;"></span><br /><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Rare, consequences of disseminated intravascular coagulation, lung damage</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Mortality 50-90% if untreated; 15% when diagnosed and treated</li></ul><span style="color: black;">COSTS</span><span style="color: black;"></span><br /><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Not known (It is good to know that the plague could cost you nothing finally something for free in this world, on the other hand the plague could cost you an arm and a leg)</li></ul><span style="color: black;">TRANSMISSION</span><span style="color: black;"></span><br /><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo4; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Flea-borne, from infected rodents to humans</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo4; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Direct contact with infected tissues or fluids from handling sick or dead animals</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo4; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Respiratory droplets from cats and humans with pneumonic plague</li></ul><span style="color: black;">RESERVOIRS</span><span style="color: black;"></span><br /><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo5; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Primarily wild rodents in U.S. (especially rock squirrels, ground squirrels, prairie dogs, other burrowing rodents)</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo5; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Commensal rats may be important elsewhere</li></ul><span style="color: black;">RISK GROUPS</span><span style="color: black;"></span><br /><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo6; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">In the U.S., persons exposed to rodent fleas, wild rodents, or other susceptible animals in enzootic areas of western states</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo6; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Most cases occur in southwestern states of NM, AZ, CO, and in CA</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo6; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Highest rates in Native Americans, especially Navajos; other risk groups: hunters; veterinarians and pet owners handling infected cats; campers or hikers entering areas with outbreaks of animal plague</li></ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So after taking all of this into account the person I know that is the most susceptible to contracting the plague is Vardell. He is always hanging out with wild animals and who knows maybe one time he fell asleep and some fleas attacked him without him knowing. Also he sleeps with a dog, I think, I am not speaking from experience of watching him sleep or anything (suspicious whistling).</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Who will win the Super Bowl? I bet on cheese.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-1755589150343136347?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-74056031907849597872011-01-24T12:57:00.002-07:002011-01-24T12:57:39.852-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 84.0pt center 3.0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.50</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">**I took a break last week because what could have been better for your civil rights than not having to read (or skim, or delete from your email, or get angry at) this mush. But last time I checked (30 seconds ago) January 24, 2011 is not that special of a day. Important things about this day that could make it special enough to skip the newsletter. 1/24/1935 First canned beer goes on sale. 1/24/1908 Boy Scouts movement begins I don't know what this movement was but it was probably the foxtrot or something. </i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Often times as a I sit and think about what it is I am going to write in my short break for lunch (whoever thought you could have a good lunch in an hour is crazy a good lunch includes at least a half hour nap) I think about what have done in the past week and I have to say that apart from my normal up and down I really didn't do anything out of the ordinary nor did anything out of the ordinary happen to me and/or Jenny and/or Gigi. So I thought what is people would like to hear? I know that Frankie and Roscoe are two swinging single guys that always have good stories to tell so I called them on the phone and of course they had to fight over who told the story but in the end the Roscoe (aka Older Brother) gave Frankie a pink belly and Frankie said he could tell the story. Some important information you need to know about Frankie and Roscoe and other random items. Frankie is thought to have killed his first owner and this has either contributed to manic-depression or is the cause of his manic-depression. He also is very into sports and loves the Jazz which means he has been super depressed for the past week. Also he is the follow Roscoe tells him what to do and after some second guessing and debate he decides Roscoe knows best and does as he is told. Roscoe is the type that when you are in his presence he will trick you into thinking you are safe with and he will do anything and everything to protect then behind your back he spreads rumors about how much of a coward you are. Roscoe seems nice and as long as you don't tease him he is nice but once you get onto his naughty list then you are in trouble with him and you might as well give into his power. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So here is the story as told by Roscoe. Oh also they don't call us by name so you need to know what they call us. Eric – Dark Prince (No reference to the actual Dark Prince the name stems from the day we adopted them I was wearing a dark shirt) Jenny - Queen Clementine (This is because she always sweet to them and seems to be in charge of it all) Gigi – Terror or Threat or Iron Clutches (This name comes from the constant torment brought by her hands). Ok with that background information the story reads (as related by Roscoe, Frankie's version has more talk about adult content and is not suitable for a general audience Most of the adult content is not factual and is made up by Frankie so he seems cooler to Roscoe). Roscoe said, "It was a beautiful afternoon and we were in the yard trying to figure out how to get out so we could meet up with the gang (the gang is a Chihuahua that lives down the street and a couple of Great Danes) and play a game of four square (they love to play four square however they have not been able to a good game since they are dogs). It was a rough morning Queen Clementine had to work that day so she left us in a hurry, the only positive was that Terror was sent away to play with another small handed human. So we were in the back yard hanging out running, jumping and barking like we do when we heard a car in the front yard it was the Dark Prince he has come home to play with us. Then I realized that he was not there to play with us he just wanted a treat and then he was leaving again. It was our opportunity as he left through the back gate I took a rock and threw it perfectly to prevent the gate from closing. The Dark Prince was in a hurry he wouldn't realize it until it was too late. We were out but the gang was nowhere to be found so we couldn't play four square. Frankie suggested that we try and steal stuff so we went around trying to find something worth stealing. We made out to a busy street and saw our target a Men's Warehouse. We were going to get new suits so we could get ourselves some babes. So we zigged, we zagged and we were almost out of the store when a man dressed in blue, caught us. I knew to keep my mouth shut because they didn't have anything on us we were safe as long as we didn't say anything that would incriminate us. But of course they separated us and Frankie squealed he is such a squealer. So they threw us in the slammer. We spent the night and next day the Queen came and rescued us. The funny thing is I don't feel remorse for what I have done. If I could do it over again I would. I would escape but this time I would make sure have a look out. No copper is going to take me down, again." </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Roscoe and Frankie lived happily ever after, well as happy as two dogs can live together that have completely conflicting personalities. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Roscoe and Frankie the Odd Dog Couple</i>. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Has anyone ever been so tired their eyes burn? </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-7405603190784959787?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-21965009201570266402011-01-10T12:15:00.000-07:002011-01-10T12:15:24.789-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.49</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Living where we do Jenny and I are privileged to see many things. For those of you that don't know, we live east of an elementary school and our front window looks at the playground. If you remember when we were purchasing the house we decided that this was a great place to live because during the house inspection we heard the boys at the playground chanting, "Boys rule, girls drool." Or something to that effect. So that is one of many things we have seen at the school. I think that all of these experiences should be summarized in children's style book but do to the nature of some of the on goings we can't really call it a children's book. Maybe I will start working on it, I have time, well I will have time as soon as I beat Donkey Kong Country Returns. No homework is so awesome. Let's see we have seen suspicious vehicles that we reported to the cops and saw a young man get arrested. We don't really know why the one kid got arrested but I think it was because he had some delinquent fines at the Murray City Library. I once saw what I called the "ultimate douche mobile," a gold trim Mazda Protégé with a large Yankee's sticker on the back window and two Lakers flags flying from the windows. Also I knew who driving the car, I couldn't really tell if it was the real Kobe Bryant or not but there was a heavy set fella wearing a Bryant jersey in the park. Let's see what else oh in the summer time young lovers or pot heads love to sneak into the grass area between the two wings of the school and enjoy whatever. I don't really know what they do, I have to let my imagination do the looking, but teenagers love to hang out there in the summer time. The other aspect of the park is the dogs, Roscoe loves when the dogs come around because he is 95% sure he could beat up every dog that comes to that park. He is a real tough guy that Roscoe. I am pretty sure Frankie has no idea what is going on he just gets depressed about everything, namely the Jazz. Oh I brought the dogs up for a good reason I tell you. This past weekend was a true testament of what I am about to say. I have decided that dog owners, well, probably pet owners like to imagine that their pets communicate like a person that understands what is being said to them but can't respond in the same language. Learning a foreign language helps you understand this principle because the ability to understand comes long before the ability to communicate. So a large retriever was playing at the park with two humanoids, off leash (the dog was off leash well also the humanoids were off leash so just to clarify there were no leashes on any of the participants of this story), dog owners love to have their dogs off leash to prove how well they have trained their dogs. So what I like to do is test how well they have their dogs trained. So while they are playing at the park our dogs will start to freak out, so I let them out to stretch their legs and protect their territory. What this does is it excites the dog in the park and usually the dog will make a bee line for our house. I giggle and giggle, looks like you don't have you dog trained very well do you. (Please note that there is no way in hell I would let my dogs off leash anywhere because they are the worst trained dogs in the world, well, second worst.) The point of the story is the things people say to their dogs to get them to come back to the park is pretty good. For instance this lady came over and was saying sorry to me because our dogs got excited and barky to which I shrugged and said, "It is okay." Really I wanted to say to the lady that our dogs are dogs and they are fenced in so let them bark and run that way they get tired. Anywho the dog ran into our garage and instead of just saying simple commands like, "Come," or "Come here," or some equivalent to that. The lady yells, "Oh get out of that garage please." I loved it she is not the only one to say crazy things to their dogs. When I told Jenny this story she said, "Maybe the dog does know what a garage is." I took that as dogs do know what garages are and they also understand everything that you say to them. With that in mind every time Roscoe does something mean to Frankie, which does all of the time, because Roscoe is the big brother of the pair and Frankie is just an easy going dog that gets depressed after a Jazz loss and the holidays and around his birthday and on Mondays oh also he has been really depressed since Lost went off the air, he has just never been the same. Oh he also gets depressed at bedtime because he can't jump onto the bed like Roscoe, I digress. I tell Roscoe, "Grow up Roscoe, Frankie does not enjoy it when you bark right into his auditory receiver. Now when you are done doing your business I would like you to apologize to Frankie and say 7 nice things about him. And they can't be the same 7 things you said last time." So in a nutshell living across the street from a park is pretty awesome. Especially when you watch three grown men playing a game of horse that probably went on for about 3 hours, if they finished, because by my count they were a combined 0 of 27 before I got bored.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Why do the Jazz make you so angry?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-2196500920157026640?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-84567723949099437572011-01-03T12:45:00.000-07:002011-01-03T12:45:02.936-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.48</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">So since Christmas Jenny as been very busy doing important stuff, one such thing she has been doing is finding ways to keep little Miss Gigi entertained. This is so Jenny can do other stuff like surf the web and junk. Anywho, I say this because Jenny in her attempts to entertain our daughter (Jenny is very good at this by the way) she uploaded a collection of children's stories onto our computer. Gigi loves the stories and so one day I thought it would be fun to sit down and read a story with her. That was a huge mistake. The story was the "Three Little Pigs" which I have always thought it was a good story that teaches people they need to be prepared for events (wolf) that might come along and disrupt their lives (blow their house down). So the story teaches kids if you can prepare yourself and build a stable structure/foundation through hard work then you will be ready to face the world. For instance we could use education as the qualifier. There are many levels of education one can obtain in this life but it is important that you work hard and learn as much as you can in order to have a sure foundation. Like the pig that builds the house of brick, a well prepared pig that was ready for calamity to come (wolf), would be the shining example of hard work and preparedness. Now let me tell you where my beef is. They changed the story to fit into our society today. At the end of the story instead of the wolf getting mad about not being able to blow down the house he climbs up the chimney and into the house. There he finds the pig enjoying a nice meal of vegetables and fruits. The pig then instructs the wolf on how to eat a nice healthy meal that doesn't involve eating a pig. Then the wolf helped rebuild the houses he blew over and everybody lived in peace and happiness the story says. This angered me. What did I learn from this story? Nothing. The whole point of the story is to teach kids that hard work and effort pay off in the end and they need to be prepared for life's crap that will more than likely be dumped on them. I think that the story points to what our society has become (a co-worker said this to me one day and I liked it) a Tee-Ball society where everybody is good and we all should cheer for mediocrity. You know I am all for helping out my neighbor and those that stand in need of help but I am not for a society that teaches kids they can avoid hard work. Next they are probably going to change the Hansel and Gretel story to say that Hansel and Gretel ate candy all day long then went home to their own beds with no repercussions whatsoever. The only way to make this place better is to make the children better but with so many "shining" examples, how is this place going to get any better? I guess I am just trying to say that at some point somebody has to work and it would be easier if everybody just worked a little bit rather than one person doing all of the work for everybody. Just ask Jenny about how tiring that can be.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: What is the proper way to make toast?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Well I thought that at the turn of this New Year I was not going to make a New Year's resolution but alas I have come across one that is just too good. I resolve on this the third day of the year two thousand and eleven that by the three-hundredth and sixty-fifth day of this same year I will be able to do at least one sit-up like Rocky does in Rocky IV. You know the sit-up he is doing where he is on the bench with his legs in the air. If you don't know what that is then you can watch this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZA6mvMXxBQ">video</a> and go to the time stamp 4:40. "No pain." I am pretty sure that I am going to accomplish this goal. I have a picture of Rocky doing these sit-ups in front of my desk so I will be ready. Ok I don't have a picture of it but I have the joke to keep me going. I am already tired just thinking about it.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-8456772394909943757?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-21859474515458631022010-12-27T12:15:00.002-07:002010-12-27T12:16:20.026-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.47</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">To quote a wise 8-year old, "I told you my [parents] give the best presents and this [gift] total proves it." I am not going to say exactly what they gave all of the kids this year because you don't really need to know that detail in order to enjoy the quote. I am just going to say that it is cute little and you can play with it for hours and hours and it will never smell bad unless you smell bad and your smell gets onto it. I digress.&nbsp; It was a surprise gift and on a Christmas that I told people, Jenny who told other people, all I wanted was to be alone for the majority of the day the gifts I received were very much so appreciated. My t-shirt collection got a little bit cooler, my Wii game collection got a little bit more modern and the cavities in my teeth are going to get a little bit more cavityer. I also got my Christmas wish of alone time because I had to go check on the dogs at one point during the day and around 3 I was told to take our little angel home because she was turning into a little demon. I did this with a little bit of reservations because once I got home I knew I was going to play Donkey Kong Country (DKC) and once I turned it on it would be super hard to turn it off. I thought it was going to be a lot like my charm. Turns out I don't have the muscles required to play DKC for extended periods of time. Also my charm is easily turned off I discovered because there are a lot of things that make me angry like sinus congestion. Kids are great but they sure make you sick a lot. They say kids are sponges, I know what they mean. I guess really what I am trying to say is that Christmas was very exciting this year as I watched Gigi look at her new toys with excitement well I guess it would have been more a perplexed look that turned into excitement once we told her that the toys are for her. I think the best part of our Christmas morning was once she opened Mr. and Mr. Potato Head (Not a typo for some reason they packaged two Mr. Potato Heads in one package, modern times I guess) she couldn't stop starring at them and she just kept pointing and saying, "Toy Story." I tried to hide them so she could focus on opening other presents but alas she just wanted the Potato Heads. I also wanted to tip my hat to Jenny for getting gifts that our daughter enjoyed. Jenny said, "Do I know our daughter or do I know our daughter?" I am sure if I were in charge of buying gifts for her she would have gotten stuff that I enjoy and potentially she would watch me enjoy the gift. Jennys, every family should have one she makes our family function. She is like the mass in the equation for force. This means I would be acceleration (F = ma), I don't mean that she is big or getting bigger I mean she adds substance to our family that allows our family to generate more force in this world. Isn't that obvious? </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: Who will win the Jazz game tonight?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Well as we look to the New Year we have to think of ways we can change ourselves to become better. Personally I don't know how you can improve something that is content with how he is because change is hard. Isn't it easier to not change and just enjoy life the way you have been enjoying it? I think that a better way to make goals for the future is to have other people tell you how to improve. For example if Jenny were to make New Year's resolutions for me they would probably include things like wearing less sweat pants and wearing clothes that only have the minimum number of holes in them. And if I were to set New Year's resolutions for her it would be something like maybe she could learn to relax more. Sometimes watching her do everything she does makes me tired and I have to take a break from one resting position to another resting position. Also please don't point out to me that in order for that particular New Year's resolution to come to fruition I could just help out because man that thought is already bringing me down. I guess when it comes down to it anyway you can make it through this world unscathed then do that, just don't bother other people while you do it.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-2185947451545863102?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-67635746403692459082010-12-20T12:22:00.000-07:002010-12-20T12:22:14.332-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.46</span></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">-Mark Twain</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Everybody seems to make lists about stuff this time of year. Well everybody but me. So that streak ends here. I am going to make a list this year of letters that I thought were particularly good or at least parts of letters I thought were good. So this year the best google search that brought somebody to my blog was, "<a href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&amp;client=firefox-a&amp;hs=Csa&amp;rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&amp;q=stupid+mario+brothers+somebody+told+me+the+world+was+from+me&amp;cts=1267806144256&amp;aq=f&amp;aqi=&amp;aql=&amp;oq="><i><span style="color: windowtext;">stupid mario brothers somebody told me the world was from me</span></i></a>" Google search performed in Michigan USA. Congratulations Michigan you won something. Best Phrase typed in one of my newsletters, I have a couple of winners. In numerical order, 5.4 Gigi is like the <a href="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/Velociraptor_6001.jpg">Velociraptors</a> in Jurassic Park always testing the fences to see where she can break through. 5.5 My defense committee saying, "Thesis more like feces." 5.27 Central Utah Farmer says, "Things are tough and they are going to get tougher. City folk gonna come to us [farmers] looking for answers but we ain't got 'em." 5.29 Another Central Utah farmer saying, "Well people down here have more time to be nice." Then I thought, "So being nice is a factor of time."&nbsp; 5.40 Gigi constantly asks for Nemo and the phrase "No Nemo" is now my most uttered phrase. And now for the award you have all been waiting for, Best Letters of the Year. In 4^th place, 5.14 "Gigi Brushes More Than Just Her Teeth." In 3^rd place, "5.23 Bullet Bike on Fire, Maybe Utah Valley Isn't so Bad." In 2^nd place, "5.12 Gigi Hides Mom's Car Keys." And the best newsletter of 2010 is, "5.15 Brenda and Stephanie Run the US Army." I realized that most of the finalists for the newsletter were from the beginning of the year which means that for the past several months you all have been reading stuff that wasn't even in the running for best newsletter. Although I think that this one could be up there. Thank you Governator. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Trivia Time: Nobody disagreed with me so I guess that is the best Christmas song of 2010. What is the best Arnold Schwarzenegger movie?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I asked the above question because once in a life time a person comes along that really changes how you look at the world or how you feel about a certain topic. Looking back at other generations we have people like Charles Lindberg, Amelia Earhart, John Pemberton, John Harrington/Thomas Crapper, the creator of string cheese (this is for the toddler generation), and last but not least somebody like Jimi Hendrix. The point is, there are a lot of these people that can change the way we look and feel about a certain facet of life. Arnold Schwarzenegger for me has done that. As a group of us sat around watching Jingle All the Way we were discussing the movies that Arnold has made and how he really hasn't made a bad movie since successfully immigrated to America. We all thought that it wasn't until he left his movie career to become governor that everything really started to go down the tube. We need Arnold to get back into the saddle and start making movies again. It doesn't matter what the movie is no matter how stupid the plot is, the world needs him to be the tough guy. We need him to jump out of a burning buildings, run somebody over in a car or one of the best things he did we need him to protect the jungles of Columbia from an alien invader. We need to hear classic lines like this gem from Commando, "Remember how I said I would kill you last? I lied." Or what about everything he said in the Kindergarten Cop, hilarious. "It's not a tumor." Is a quote I hear my dad say at least once a month. Just think about a world where our children can say, "Yeah I saw that Schwarzenegger movie when it originally came out in 2014, in the theater." I still remember the first Arnold movie I saw in the theater, it was Kindergarten Cop, oh what a great time that was. In fact for some reason every time I go back and read my old journal I turn to that day my Aunt took me to see that delightful movie. I am pretty sure I giggled my face off; this explains later life problems and names I was called as a pre-teen. So I ask, what is wrong with our economy today? The answer is the lack of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</span></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6763574640369245908?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-58375654261271509842010-12-13T13:22:00.000-07:002010-12-13T13:22:31.325-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.45</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">-Mark Twain</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">As Christmas nears one should always reflect upon whom you are regardless if you are religious or not. It is a perfect time to look out your window and stare at the world with an idea of new beginnings. They say a life is merely a compilation of experiences and how you react to those experiences. I have had many experiences in my life that have led me to where I am now. Some might argue that I have done well; some might argue that I have done poorly and others would say who cares. All I know is that there are people around me that have reacted very well to their life's situations and I can only look to them for inspiration as I attempt to push forward in my life. I am fortunate to take part in the lives of several people that are good and that are constantly amazing me how they chose to play their hand with the cards they have been dealt. More often than not I am reminded of no matter how hard you try you cannot deny that we are all connected somehow. Everything you do could potentially affect somebody else's life. I just hope that in this season of pondering and reflections I can reflect on how I have impacted people's lives. And if I have impacted their lives negatively I hope that I can repair the damages I have inflicted on them. Now if only we could get the Utah Jazz players (in particular CJ Miles) to think that same way, my life would be better. I don't want you to think that this whole thing was about sports but doesn't it seem like the fans care more than the players? I digress; the point of this paragraph is to hopefully help people become more kind hearted this Christmas season. I think that I have the furthest to go out of anybody that is going to read this. This is because I think that 90% of the people in the world are idiots. So my only hope is that by the end of this Christmas season that percentage will be reduced to like 88%.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Trivia Time: I guess I should have asked which volume of Neil Diamond's Christmas albums is better. What is the best all time Christmas song? Could it be this rendition of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vdvj1-CMAo8">Once in Royal David's City</a>?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Well it was another successful year of lasers and Christmas. We had a good turnout despite all of the cancelations that occurred. This year we handed out awards with prizes. I thought that I would be able to calculate who performed well, who performed poorly and who was average. But alas I didn't have enough time. So I recommend that if you have a laser tag party where you give out prizes just do what we ended up doing which was randomly assigning the recipient of the awards and prizes. It seemed like that went over really well. I would like to extend a special thank you to Brenda Taylor who supplied that majority of the prizes. They included pants, sweatshirts, vegetable crisper inserts, a lamp, hand towels, water bottles, and table décor. We also supplied some nicer gifts giving out big bags of candy for the "good" players. Really two of the three "good" players were just randomly assigned. Devin won for hardest to kill because he was very good at legally covering up his targets and he was fast and smaller than the other players so it was hard to get a mental image of where his targets were. Alex won for best shot because she walked into the room when I was looking for the recipient of that award. Mike won for best overall player because despite equipment malfunctions he won 2 of the 3 games. There wasn't an award for this but Danny would have received most surprising award because of how poorly he played. Also another award that should have been given was jerky play. That would have gone to my brother who was using his 8-year old son as a shield during the first game. I think when he saw that his son took last place he felt bad. Well one could only hope that he felt bad. If he didn't then I think he should be reported to child services. The only thing that can be said is until next time friends. Laser Tag Christmas 2011 will blow your minds. At least I hope it does.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Have a good week I know I will </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Eric Jones</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></div><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-5837565426127150984?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-27371844143351491632010-12-06T13:03:00.000-07:002010-12-06T13:03:13.181-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.44</span></b></div><b> </b><br /><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><i>It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</i></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><i>-Mark Twain</i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>So here we are again another year and another December under way. In a few short weeks Christmas will be upon us and so to make everybody's shopping that much easier I will be generating my annual Christmas list. I hope this that I receive everything I ask for. I know in years past I have asked for presents that were just undeliverable for example I once wanted Jerry Sloan's acknowledgment of my existence. I am pretty sure that Jerry doesn't even know all the names of the current Jazz roster. I think he still just calls most people John and Karl for simplicity's sake. Another gift I have never received but always longed for is a ticket for the <a href="http://www.orient-express.com/">Orient Express</a>. So this year I am only going to ask for presents that can be reasonably obtained by the big man himself and delivered to me on Christmas. The list will follow the story. A lady at my place of employment had the following story to tell about a conversation she had with her 8 year old daughter. Daughter, "Mom, some kids at school are saying that Santa is not real and that parents are really Santa Clause." Mom, "That is silly, how could parents do all of that in one night? Only Santa could do something so magical." Daughter, "That is what I thought. I am thinking about asking Santa for a Nintendo DS this year." Mom, "Don't you want to wait for your birthday to ask for that?" Daughter, "They are kind of expensive so we better have Santa bring it." Kids, what a bunch of cut ups. I think a fun social experiment would be to have a bunch of 6 – 10 year old kids in a room and listen to them talk about whatever. Then we take what they say and use it as the premise of a sitcom or some sort of Off-Broadway show. It would be gritty and bold. I am surprised some art student hasn't done this for their final project or possibly a dissertation. </b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>My Christmas 2010 List</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>First and foremost I want all of my presents to be wrapped in newspaper. This does not mean I want fish for Christmas I just don't want you to buy wrapping paper. Besides I don't think you can wrap some of the gifts I am about to ask for.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><b>Flying Car or today's equivalent (You can decide what that is)</b></li><b><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;">Temporary Tattoos or one of those shirts with tattoo sleeves</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;">Mickey Mouse (not a figurine, I want a person inside a Mickey Mouse costume to follow me around for about a week and just talk about the cool adventure we used to have)</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;">A year's supply of Reese's peanut butter cups, but I don't them to melt nor do I want to have to unwrap them. Meaning if you gave me this then you would have to come to me with the peanut butter cup in hand unwrapped. This is not the easiest gift on the list FYI.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;">I want a time machine so the Jazz can go back and un-draft Elder Hayward. This gift would only be used once. Ok twice I would probably go into the future so I could see who wins the next 50 World Series. Who knows maybe the Cubs will win the World Series in 2015.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;">I would like a sensory deprivation chamber so I can practice transferring my mass to an alternate universe (If you don't know what this is watch Fringe on Fox Thursday nights at 8 PM)</li></b></ol><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>I think those items will suffice this year. Good luck getting those gifts and always remember that any of these gifts can be substituted with a live tiger.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>Trivia Time: It looks like nobody else thinks Jingle All the Way is the best Christmas movie of all time. What is the best Christmas album of all time?</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>Lasers, lasers, lasers everywhere if you dare to shoot lasers then you dare to live free of tyranny. I was going to try and make this into a song or possibly a haiku but is just easier to stop right there. So this Saturday December the 11^th Russell James and myself will be holding the second annual Laser Tag Christmas Event. We are currently at 22 confirmed guests with a few maybes and a few open slots. If you are interested in shooting lasers at people and you have a need to wear a Christmas sweater then come on down to the Laser Quest Arena on Saturday December 11^th to shoot your heart out. I will be there with bells on. Here is the list of guests. I put Andi and Jdub on there to intice them to come down and play. I mean it not that far and mom said she would make you guys breakfast and you can go listen to Elder Holland too. It is a win, win, win, win for you guys. That is an awesome situation. Also this year there are major awards that can be won the awards are listed next to the names.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: x-large; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 4.65pt; width: 553px;"><tbody><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-irow: 0;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lasers to the Ready</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Awards</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 1;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>1</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Russell Loncyzna</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>For Sure</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>MVP (Overall)</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 2;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>2</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Eric Jones</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #FFC000; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Maybe</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Eaisest Kill Overall</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 3;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>3</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Jennifer Jones</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Name</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 4;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>4</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Jason Huynh</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Funniest Name</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 5;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>5</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Corey Bruse</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Scariest Name</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 6;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>6</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Danny Sorensen</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>What the What Name</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 7;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>7</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Emi Sorensen</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Worst Shot (overall)</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 8;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>8</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Chris Wright</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best in Game 1</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 9;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>9</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Kim Wright</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best in Game 2</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 10;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>10</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Brett Seibenberg</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best in Game 3</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 11;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>11</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Tim Jones</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Worst in Game 1</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 12;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>12</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Payton Jones</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Worst in Game 2</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 13;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>13</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Mike Sorensen</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Worst in Game 3</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 14;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>14</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Ally Sorensen</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Christmas Sweater</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 15;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>15</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lyndsey Sawyer</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Christmas Shirt</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 16;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>16</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Sage Sawyer</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Christmas Overall Attire</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 17;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>17</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Greg Winder</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Most Profanity</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 18;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>18</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Tiffany Winder</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Sportsmanship Award</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 19;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>19</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Meg Whiting</b></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Shot (Overall)</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 20;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>20</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Chad Whiting</b></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Shot Game 1</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 21;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>21</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Drew Dayton</b></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Shot Game 2</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 22;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>22</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #00B050; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Emily Dayton</b></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Shot Game 3</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 23;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>23</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #FFC000; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Andrea Wright</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Easiest Kill Game 1</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 24;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>24</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #FFC000; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Jdub Wright</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Easiest Kill Game 2</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 25;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>25</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #FFC000; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Evan Johnson</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Easiest Kill Game 3</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 26;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>26</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="background: #FFC000; height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Erin Johnson</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Most Shots Game 1</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 27;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>27</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Most Shots Game 2</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 28;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>28</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Most Shots Game 3</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 29;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>29</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Best Camouflage</b></span></span></div></td> </tr><tr style="height: 15.0pt; mso-yfti-irow: 30; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes;"> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 48.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="64"><div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><b>30</b></span></span></div></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 97.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="129"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 26.75pt;" valign="bottom" width="36"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 58.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="78"></td> <td nowrap="" style="height: 15.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 184.5pt;" valign="bottom" width="246"></td> </tr></tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>Have a good week I know I will </b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b>Eric Jones</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</a></b></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-2737184414335149163?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-60605057667253542172010-11-29T10:36:00.000-07:002010-11-29T10:36:09.073-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.43</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">-Mark Twain</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My life is beginning to turn into one professional sports season after another well I guess it would be like semi-pro. As soon as one season ends another one begins. As you all remember Jenny and I were competing in the <a href="http://oprahismymom.blogspot.com/2010/09/ravings-of-mad-man-vol-532-let-first.html" target="_blank">CHSOL</a> which generated lots of excitement. There was a lot more strategy then I thought. You couldn't just play offense the whole time and expect to win. Jenny made some last minute runs but alas I won by 2. The final score was 10 – 8. Jenny did however walk away with the play of the season when she put the clothes pin on me just prior to us leaving her parents house. So she got double points because I went in public with the pin attached to my person. Oh you fool Eric is all I would say every time she scored points. She would always get so giggly every time she would put the pin on me. I just thought that the attention was nice. Well now that the CHSOL is over until next year, I can now prep for my next big season. The Home Alone Quote in Everyday Conversation League or HAQECL (You know the noise you make when get phlegm out or your throat). This game is played by quoting lines from Home Alone or Home Alone 2 to somebody while still maintaining the integrity of the conversation. This just means the quote you use has to fit into the context of the conversation. I will demonstrate how this is done using my favorite quote from Home Alone. Let's say you are out and about and somebody ask, "Where are you?" You can respond using this quote from Home Alone. You say, "I am over here you big horse's ass." That would get you 1 point. Last year I narrowly beat my friend Zach by one point. The HAQECL is a shorter season it goes from December 1 until December 25. The rules are simple but it is a gentlemen's game meaning you are on the honor code. I thought I would give another example to help you play the game. Let's say you are talking to somebody and they say, "Ok we will be back around 7." You can say, "When those guys come back I'll be ready." That would get you 1 point. So if you are unfamiliar with Home Alone quotes then you should probably look some up or just watch the movies over and over again. Good luck. Ok I just thought of another example that I will probably use. Let's say you are in a room and somebody comes and starts talking to you without knocking. You can say to them, "Don't you ever knock, phlegm wad?" That get's you a point. Oh I almost forgot one of the rules. You can only get one point per quote per day. No repeating the same quote over and over all day long. Just keep track of your score and we will tally them up after Christmas.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Trivia Time: What is the best Christmas movie?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is the end of an era or so they say. I say that next year even though the game won't have the same implications because Utah will be in the PAC and BYU will be independent the big rivalry game will still get people's blood turning. People will still talk throughout the week about how Utah is going to win or about how BYU is going to win and the same jawing back and forth will occur amongst the fans. Bronco won't get his wish about the integrity of the game returning it will still be the same old, same old. Oh here is a tip for Bronco if you want to uphold the integrity of the game, kick a field goal on 4^th and short when you are on your opponent's 15 yard line. No but seriously when you live right off the field magic happens on the field. Call it luck call it poor referring I am just going to call it blessings from heaven for righteous living. I'd rather have a lucky win than an unfortunate loss. </span></div><div style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Eric Jones</span></div><div style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/</a></span><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, &quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><br /><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6060505766725354217?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-31025878748660946572010-11-22T13:21:00.000-07:002010-11-22T13:21:16.451-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.42</span></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">-Mark Twain</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">We are in what could be the last great rivalry week for college football in Utah. With the Utah and BYU game a few days after Thanksgiving I can only imagine there will be family arguments about what team is going to win. We all know that if the Utah team "shows up" that it will be a no contest game. But we also know that if Utah wins BYU fans will just say, "Oh we had a young team and etc." Literally I think that BYU fans will say "etc." Anywho I digress. What I really wanted to talk about was the fact that there a few days every year that I am "worthless." The first day of the year is the first Thursday of March Madness. I can just sit in the same position for hours watching college basketball. It is awesome; I only move to get something to eat or to use the facilities. The other day is in this week. The day before Thanksgiving I might as well just slip into a comma only to wake up at 8:00 am on Tday to play football. This year is a little bit different with a blizzard blowing into to the Salt Lake Valley on Tuesday night. What will become of the Turkey Bowls? All I know is that I am showing up and will more than likely win the self-proclaimed MVP again this year. Only time will tell. Again I digress. Last year on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving I am pretty sure I just sat at my desk and stared into open space thinking about how great Thanksgiving is going to be. Thanksgiving is a pretty awesome holiday if you think about it. Not because of the Food or because of the Football or even Family (I call that the F-factor of a holiday which Thanksgiving ranks the highest on the F-factor Christmas is second on the F-factor list) but because of the napping. The N-Factor! I love a good Thanksgiving nap. It is like little angels from heaven come down to each person and grants them the gift of naps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>Aren't naps the greatest invention since sliced bread? I took a nap yesterday because Gigi took a nap. I told myself that you don't want to go into Thanksgiving without proper nap practice; you might strain something like an eyelid. But worse than that you might forget something important like the removal of shoes. My nap yesterday I forgot to take off my shoes and the nap didn't take. There is nothing worse in this world than a nap that doesn't take. I might as well have not napped at all. Don't believe that last statement. If you ever get the chance to nap, I hope you nap.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Trivia Time: What days during are you "worthless"?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">This past week I broke one of my cardinal rules with regards to exterior illumination. Also I broke another one of my cardinal rules in the process which is way worse than the other rule I broke. So I hung up Christmas lights outside this past weekend, breaking cardinal rule #16, Don't decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving. I only did this because I broke cardinal rule #3, Never listen to TV meteorologists. How could I break such an important rule? He said that Friday would be the last good day to put up Christmas lights until the week or so after Thanksgiving. I figured that it would be better to get the lights up sooner than later. After I got the lights up I felt so dirty like I had just broken one of the golden rules. This wasn't because I decorated before Thanksgiving; it was only because I listened to a TV meteorologist. I shouldn't be allowed to nap on Thanksgiving for this extreme behavior.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</span></a></div><br /><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-3102587874866094657?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-73739788631539022432010-11-15T12:50:00.002-07:002010-11-15T12:50:36.646-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.41</span></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">-Mark Twain</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Last night while I was at my in-laws I realized that humans have always done stupid stuff because most of the time we are naive to some aspect of the world. I have fallen victim to this idea several times in my life. But as I sat and ponder life's little funny happenings which is what I normally do when I read the Quilted Northern Bathroom book. Which is delightful, if you don't have a copy you should pick one up and read it. I digress, in this book there are fun facts about who said what and who did what and what was invented. Last night I read about the invention of Flubber a silly putty type toy that provided more than just hours of fun. It provided hours of sore throats and rashes too. But the best part is when they recalled the product they couldn't destroy it because it would have done environmental damage. So what did they do? They buried it and put a parking lot over it so nobody would get a rash from it again. This is not what I want to talk about, the item I read about last night was way better than this little gem I just told you. Picture this 1975 Disco is booming people are swinging into good times and what is at the center of all of this? A nice time at home with the family playing board games. What better game to play than a game that involves strategy either offensive or defensive and pure enjoyment. The commercial I found online says it is a game that can be enjoyed by the whole family. The game is a square board that has these balls connected to springs connected to the board. The objective of the game is to move your balls into a location where you can hit the other people's balls and knock them off the board. The idea sounds exciting, sounds like something I would enjoy playing. However, the thing I would like to point out about the game is the name. The game is called Ball Buster. The name is fitting but it just doesn't work in our society, maybe in the 1930's but not in the 1970's. I would like to meet who ever came up with this game because I could probably steal money from them or have them do stuff for me without me doing anything for them. I believe the phrase is "take advantage of." Yeah I could take advantage of them. </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB4dhA5rmxI"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Anywho enjoy the commercial</span></a><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Trivia Time: People like movies that represent themselves. What is the secret to all life's problems?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">How about them Utah Jazz? I am currently eating Pizza and bread sticks because the Jazz went 4 – 0 on their road trip. Who would have thought? I told my office mate if the Jazz went 2 – 2 then I would buy us ice cream if they went 3 – 1 then I would buy us ice cream and a candy bar. Then he asked what if they go 4 – 0 I said I would buy us pizza and here we are enjoying some nice pizza. Oh the sweet taste of victory. It is way better than the agony of defeat. So what I have decided is that if the Jazz win the championship this season I will host a laser tag party. I will try and pay for everybody but if I can't then I will just provide the awards after the game is over. I know that everybody is cheering for our Jazz to go all the way so the night of laser tag is just a little more incentive to cheer a little bit louder. I hope at the end of the season the Jazz have won about 60 games and that the Lakers have lost all of their good players and the Jazz go into the championship series and sweep the Miami Heat in 4 games. Oh that would be so sweet. I would probably take a week off work and just make carpet angels until I had sores all over my back. And I had bald spot on the back of my head. I just remember last year how awesome it was when Real won the MLS cup so I can only imagine how much more magical it would be if the Jazz finally win the NBA championship. Oh I can already see Boozer crying about not being on the Jazz this year. Then his eyes get so teary that he can't see and he falls out of bed injuring his tail bone and he has to sit out the next five years of contract. That would be awesome.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</span></a></div><br /><br />-- <br />This message was approved by Eric Jones<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-7373978863153902243?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-65131877435579683102010-11-09T07:27:00.000-07:002010-11-09T07:27:09.103-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">Ravings of a Mad Man: vol. 5.40</span></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">-Mark Twain</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">***Editor's note: Jenny wanted me to inform all of you that her expectations for her birthday were more than adequately met. Also that last week's letter was merely my interpretation of my own performance not a critique by her. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">With a little girl in the house that is beginning to talk there are a lot of common phrases heard around our house. Most of them start with, "I want…" She will say, "I want candy/cookie." She might also be standing at the fridge and say, "I want cheese." She will also ask for a drink of milk or juice. The frequency of these phrases is infrequent when compared to the phrase most often heard around our house, "I want to Nemo." This loosely interpreted means, I want to watch a movie of the infantile nature. Finding Nemo being one of her favorite movies she now calls movies, and TV, 'Nemo.' The most common phrase I say in my life now is, "No Nemo." This phrase took over the number one spot last week when the past number one phrase, "Gadfree," was chopped down at the knees by a cute little girl. So anyway I am going somewhere with this. Last night Jenny and I (mostly me) had a lot of dishes to do so we put in a Nemo for Gigi. Her favorite right now is Beauty and the Beast. As the movie was playing and Jenny and I were singing along to some of the best songs ever I told Jenny that the Beauty and Beast story is a lot like ours. I told her that I was once a handsome prince to proud to be nice so an old lady turned me into a beast then I met Jenny a beautiful bookworm who taught me how to love. She quickly said that is not at all like our story. So I asked, "What story is like us?" We were able to eliminate several stories right of the bat, Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Cars and then it hit me. My dad is an appointed official so maybe we could be like the Lion King. Then we realized that my dad doesn't have any brothers so we were close but alas we are not like the Lion King. So we washed the dishes and Jenny said, "We are probably a little bit like Lady and the Tramp." To which I responded, "I don't know I don't really see myself as a Cocker Spaniel." She informed me that she would be Lady in the story and I would be the Tramp. So I guess that is it then, she is a lady and I am a tramp. These people that grew up on the South side of 70^th south think they are such hot stuff. The only problem is I don't really like spaghetti. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">Trivia Time: Life is a lot better when the Jazz win. What Disney movie best describes your life?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">I am going to do some observational comedy now for a minute. Have you ever noticed that mom's can be yelling at somebody or something then they answer the phone and are the nicest creature on the face of the earth? I remember several times in my childhood when I was being me, annoying, and my mom was trying to get me to be a respectable human being (That is the plot of Mission Impossible 4 by the way). Then the phone would ring and she would be back to Delightful Ann or the DA. I asked Jenny if this same experience happened with her and her mom. She said yes it happened and I am sure that Brenda was also yelling at Jenny to be respectable. I was thinking about this because on Saturday we had the Missionaries at house for dinner and I noticed that Jenny wasn't talking normal. She was enunciating her words and talking slower than usual. I think maybe she thought that one of the Elders was foreign or mentally slow. I don't really know all I know is the only thing that kept me from calling her out at the table were the delicious enchiladas she made. I don't really have any punch line or anything else to add to this paragraph I just wanted to get it out there so maybe in the future you will recognize it. I for one try and stay true to me and if I am upset I just don't answer the phone or I answer it like a jerk. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">Have a good week I know I will </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">Eric Jones</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">www.oprahismymom.blogspot.com</span></a></div><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">-- </span><br /><span style="font-family: Times, &quot;Times New Roman&quot;, serif;">This message was approved by Eric Jones</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/18366201-6513187743557968310?l=oprahismymom.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Send in the Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16293395552262893696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18366201.post-49293732807367846762010-11-01T11:25:00.000-07:002010-11-01T11:25:34.099-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weig